Monday, September 27, 2004

of bitches, bestfriends, and longdistances


really, youd' be surprised at the number of bitches the world has. im gonna present a case study of two of them today.
the first one is SH(short for something). i have no idea how i ever had feelings for such a person before. some people just think they're so mature you knoe, like they are all grown up and its a crime to let loose. and thats shit really cos you're only as old as you feel. and some people think its pathetic to keep liking so many girls and going bonkers over them. well i have to say that just because you're ice-cold heart has lost its capacity to love doesnt mean others cant love. i think its pathetic how u can never open up your heart to anyone. and how you think youre really all that(with all your cool raffles water-polo and rugger friends). gimme a break, the whole bunch of you combined couldnt give the definition of 'friend' even if your popularity depended on it. you were hoping i would mature when i went overseas right? lemme tell you this, now that YOU are overseas, i really hope you'll stop caring so much about your image. that was probably the main reason it didnt work out last time, cos i wasnt your ideal rugger/swimmer. for all that you meant to me in the past, im telling you this now.
secondly, the next one is bimbo. going from one 'mature' one, this one is really immature. she says the stupidest things ever and she has the most childish concepts in the world. add that to the fact that she screams at the top of her voice makes her a grade A bitch. she just cant accept that sometimes she isnt that important and then she makes a big fuss about everything. and when people break up, can you please dont put on your blog that 'it was about time'. i think thats bloody insensitive. just goes to show why none of the guys you dated before liked you genuinely. and the way you treat people you dont like is amusing. you say you dont care but actually you do.
i didnt identify either one cause i didnt wanna say their names out for everyone to know. but please, you both know who you are. read this, get the point, and fuck out of my life after this.

going from bitches, im blessed to have a rather incredible number of great friends. from owen who planned everything, to eric who brought donuts back, to azad to adam, to everyone. and theres one called tan lee ren. hes amazing really, first impressions make u think hes abit ahbeng(haha) but nah, hardly. hes unique really, hot tempered, sensitive, everything you get from your authentic peranakan kid(like me). but then theres also something about him. his genuineness. the guy who always says "gab study" and actually means it. hes the one who accomodates me most of the time. and tonight, i found out why after all this time, he always says "gab think before you actually get into a relationship". and i thank God for that. and tonight if you find you wanna do a good deed, maybe u could pray for lee. just pray everything will go fine. and i'll pray everything goes fine for you too. you see, someone once told me she tries to do a good deed everyday. and i think all of us should. beats bitching about bitches haha.

and lastly, mah told me long distances dont work. yeah i knoe they dont work. but you see, four years of rejection didnt stop me from liking someone. you'd think a few thousand miles would be rather insignificant. its gonna take more than divine intervention to stop me. gabriel out :P

Sunday, September 26, 2004

haha so basically, owen had this plan since donkey ages ago to give me a surprise birthday party and he got lots of people into the organising and stuff, including my brother and my mum. so i started out that day going out to play soccer and then going town with the soccer people. and then we watched a movie and played pool. and little did i know that while this was going on, people were making their way to my house to surprise me. haha yeah. but due to 3 things, i suspected something.
1)kenji telling me on friday nite that nigel told him my birthday party was on saturday night( i was thinking, "what party!!")
2)lianne smsing me teling me she brought me a surprise(i went like "what, now?! but im not even gonna see you soon?!")
3)owen sending me an sms meant for my brother which said "are you guys back yet? eric and marc are in a cab on the way!" and then when i asked him "what?!" he said "oh no i sent to the wrong person. i was referring to marcus and eric the swimmers"(HAHA)
and then when i got home my brother was so direct. haha "why dont you go upstairs first?". so by then i had a serious suspicion. but still, u cant be too sure right???
haha so when i walked out of my room after my bath it was pretty cool to see everyone there. haha and i mean EVERYONE! the study was full. yeah so thats basically the surprise part and then the party part was just like any other party la. haha but it was nice. really nice.

ok party aside, "new police story" is a pretty darn good show. it was touching yet funny. sweet in a light hearted manner. my new hero is nicholas tse haha he is damn cool. i wanna be a policeman.

"cause this is the best day of my life
this is the one i'll think of, every night
this is the one that made it all right
thank you
cause these are the young years of my life
these are the happiest tears i've ever cried
this is the best day of my life
thank you"
-bestdayofmylife



haha
"hands down this is the best day i can
ever remember, always remember"

owen and dan, thanks so much for all the planning. it was seriously unforeseen. everyone else who made it possible thank you a million and one times.
haha ok heres the thank you list. i'll try to remember all.
err soccer gang first. of cos dan, dave, mun, dennis, zhihon, yuwei, kevin&andrea, sim, limaik, justinyek. shit my memory is failing me, hopefully thats all from the soccer peeps.
hahha and the rest cause i cant possibly classify them. OWEN, adam, eric, azad, xue, joan, jacq, chel, lianne, chuin, mel, yuping, matt, lennard, nigey, marklim, claire, nicole, amanda, claire's good fren(and im sorry i forgot her name!!), marcwong, shuchua, jeremy, shumin, puifun and celene. i think thats about it. if i left u out, tell me and i'll dedicate one entry specially to u. its just that everything was so good tonite i cant really think straight.
thanks eddie for the amazing cakes which was a really amazing surprise and freddy too for the birthday wishes. WOW haha im speechless.

so basically i had a surprise birthday party. which was absolutely incredible. will go into detail tomorrow. not sane enuff to blog about it now. THANKS ONCE AGAIN!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

just read xan's blog. i think its incredibly sweet how almost every entry is dedicated to rowena or has something to do with her. how much he is in love with her. and just how beautiful love can be. and how he ends every post with "x l r". and you knoe what?
despite that being one of the sweetest things ever, i wasnt moved one bit. and it wasnt because of the post, cos God knows xan meant every word he said in it. and as i thought really hard, it dawned upon me that i am losing all my belief in love.

its just a myth people tell to make the world seem a better place. its just a little crap people use to make their lives more meaningful, to give themselves something to strive for. to put it simply, its bullshit.

i tell you right now, i dont believe in love.



yesterday was like one of the funnest days ever. finally got to see lots of people since i got back. and it was pretty much fun! met azad,joan, adam and ivan(who really does remind me of rocky) and then we ran into xue and jacq too. and we had lunch at lido and the quesadilla from taco bell is pretty nice. and then we went back to my house to jam, which was pretty cool too. adam now can play 2 strings on the bass so hes improved his bass playing capabilities. and we played lotsa new songs like 'vindicated' and 'she will be loved'.
after that we cabbed down to town where adam went home then we went to meet owen to have dinner. went coffee club whilst azad and joan studied and ate at the same time. it was quite funny la i mean owen and i didnt wanna feel left out so we also started discussing bio. ate and then slacked till almost 9 then owen came home.

haha he puked again! makes it 4 out of 4. but it was pretty much good fun, apart from having to clean oven's puke off the wall and the toilet floor. and today was the worst hangover i ever had. haha pretty much too stoned to do anything. and oewn wants to do it again on friday which is a no way!

haha yay im damn happy. lennard just came over to give me mars. haha he was jogging and he decided to stop by so i just had a good chat with him. if thats one person who can run, its lennard quek. haha and then we saw this weird kid throwing a ball into the air and jumping and we both looked at each other and cracked up. just like the old days haha. cant wait for tmr quek!

haha the last two days have been good. simply good.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

ahh first time im using my home desktop to blog ever since i got back, which isnt that long anyway. 2nd entry today but oh what the hell.

met dave after dinner for coffee, havent seen the guy for the longest of times since he and the rest of my brother's friends all decided to enter army. haha yeah great catching up with him once again. and dave, u better not dare start smoking. or you wont hear the end of it from me. :)

yeah apart from that, had the best chat i had with azad and adam for awhile. felt like the good old days. discussing at night for the next day of orientation. haha do u think shes cute? do u think i should do this? what do u think i should wear for OG outing? haha those were the memories man. and im happy that in a world filled with advancement and increasing technology, somethings never change. and im glad for that.

she still replies my the sms i send her everytime im home. she still messages me for awhile and asks me how ive been. she still says she doesnt study. haha. she's still in my heart though ive gotten over her. she still has the heart to accomodate me. shes still the same person.

some things never change, and im glad for that.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

heyy its good to be back. so into my third day back in singapore but more than 1/5 of my holiday gone already. yup not gonna be staying too long this time but thats good. gives me time to only catch up with the important people. after i leave this time, i'll probably have a good standing on who are my really genuine friends and who arent. those that actually make the time for me even with their exams, yeah i suppose those are the great people. like marcwong and leon, crazy idiots ask me out to play pool and they're in the midst of their prelims! haha but i love them both.

went for an early lunch with my mum and my paternal grandma just now at thomson plaza. had dimsum and i ate like a pig la. went supermarket shopping before lunch and i had the funnest time! i tell u, supermarket shopping is one of the funnest things in the world. figures why i love to go safeway all the time! and my mum paid this time so i bought as much mee goreng and potato chips as i could. heh heh.

sheesh i miss melbourne, and the people there! haha only three days since i left and i miss some of the people there so badly. tan lee ren especially. haha and bones as well. haha lee came up with a damn farnie nickname for mah last week. 'the BONES'. HAHA i almost died laughing for 30mins. it was damn funny he just came up with it on the spot.
"shut up lar you...bones!"
ahah damn funny tan lee ren.

and then of cos i miss my band too. haha we were getting sooooo good but then i had to leave to come back to singapore to see my other band. haha but clement, xan and imran, dont worry. im practising here and you three stooges had better be practising too! and i hope clement recovers well from his operation. please pray for him those who know him. that he'll be up and jumping on stage in no time!

ahh i havent been out with anyone except my family. honestly! on sunday was with my brother. yesterday i slept at home the whole day. and today, ive only been out with my mum and grandma so far. haha this is sad. nobody wants me. grr stupid exams man. whoever is the first one to go out with me will get a prize man. honestly, im in dire need for company. gabriel out! :)

PS. eric come back quick. im in desperate need of a buddie.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

just got back from justin's room awhile ago. we were jamming and haha we sounded good! justin's got a nice voice i must say and he sure as hell can harmonize. shit man i need to learn how to do that. hopefully he's playing in spring concert too and it'll be nice friendly competition. and there's always robin's band which is a bloody good band plainly for the fact that robin is in it. but the drummer for robin's band so i should be modest here haha.
you knoe what? now that the exams are over, i am so freaking bored. there is really nothing to do. not a single thing. i cant shop if i have no money to shop. i cant play soccer if no one plays. i cant jam if we dont have the studio. what does a guy have to do to have abit of fun?! sheesh at least mah finished his papers today. went for dinner with him and then he came over for awhile. then he borrowed my yellow polo tee and...this is so mundane im telling you. there is no excitement in my life. i think i should like run in the streets naked or go crack a bottle on a car to get some kick. seriously.

i am dead bored :' (

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

so exams finished yesterday and the way things are, my prospective grades this term arent too bad i suppose. due to the fact that only term 3's work was tested for maths1, i can safely say i wont do to badly as matrices, linear programming and permutations are my cup of tea. that was on monday, and yesterday was literature. not too bad considering i didnt have an essay plan and i only studied for like less than an hour. lee can vouch for that. but when you actually pay attention in class, then theres less to study. hopefully i'll do well for both papers and set the foundation for the final term.

speaking of which, time flies, honestly. feels like yesterday i first left the security and spoonfed-ness of singapore and now, im approaching my final term of school. ive been studying overseas for nearly 7 months now, and it honestly hasnt felt that long a time. nah no regrets whatsoever, im loving it here. the people, the food, the weather. but of course, theres always a reward in going back home. there are other people to see, and other foods to eat. but i still hate the singapore weather.

so lots of things to look forward to in the next few weeks. well spring concert is only a month away, and the way things are, the band shouldnt really have any problems. of course, we still have to learn the songs and jam to get the togetherness but overall, with the talent in the band, it should see us through. and then looking rather far ahead is prom, and i dont have a date. haha if only i could bring someone over from singapore to be my date. not any in particular, just a thought :P

my room's a mess, really. justin just walked in and asked me "who robbed you?" haha idiot mann. so now that i have the time since my exams are over, i resolve to:
1.clean up my room
2.at least clean up my floor so i dont have difficulty walking
3.do my laundry which is piling up
4.wash my bedsheet and my pillow case and my comforter case cause they smell abit funny

i am the laziest shit in the world. i missed my appointment with the trinity academic advisor today cause i overslept. and this is the second time i have not turned up for an appointment with him. and he is a rather big man. and now i got to think up of some lousy excuse so that i wont like get questioned and stuff. i hate it when you know, they cant scold you for not turning up, but they will ask lousy questions like "oh i was wondering what happened" and then you know they think youre some kinda irresponsible person. haha ohwells i'll just say i broke my leg or something la.

so mah finishes his exams today, while lee finishes tomorrow. so maybe mah and i should go drinking tonight at mah's balcony and shout for lee from across and laugh and mock at him. haha nah thats mean, but cant wait for lee to finish econs. then we can all go party. haha there are so many things i wanna buy but i dont have money for. there are 2 pair of shoes i want, and ive never really had many pairs of shoes. just 2 a time. and now i want this two pairs. but my goodness. one of them is a pair of pumas and they cost A$299, which is effectively A$300 la cause who the hell cares bout $1, unless the things cost like maybe $1.50 la. then $1 is significant. but when its $299!! then $1 is insignificant. ok that was honestly so random i apologise. all that maths and significant numbers has warped my mind.

but at least i now know i can do maths. i taught davinder last night cos he had maths2 test today. and i must say ive very impressed at my own capabilities of matrices especially for gauss-jordan and traffic flow models. who needs help please ask. haha although i'll have to give credit to hongyi who taught me in the first place.

just finished reading 'the da vinci code' cause of the recommendation from xue. and i tell you its the most disturbing book ive read la. not that i read much anyway, but still! some of the concepts were really... wrong from a protestant point of view. i mean if seens so preposterous and all! and i was reading it on monday night and i was so disturbed i couldnt stay alone in my room so i walked over to lee's place for company. haha i know thats a bit wussy but i was seriously freaked la. like i went down to smoke and then the sky somehow seemed very very dark, darker than a normal 3am sky, and then i jolted at every slight sound.
but i must say it got me thinking alot. how would we ever know if the faith we believe in is true? i mean we've been fed it, most often, from young and so we've grown up thinking that we are right. but other people of other faiths and beliefs also grow up thinking their way is right. so at least one way of thinking has to be wrong right? and whos to say for certain our belief is correct? of cos i have faith in my own religion and stuff, but im just saying its quite a tricky topic.

im finding myself in quite a happy mood today even though i just woke up not too long ago. i dont knoe why really. since the day just started for me, nothing has really happened so i dont know why im happy. i guess just waking up to a brand new day is quite a blessing. i mean every night when you got to bed, whos to say for certain youre gonna wake up the next morning? i dont mean to be a pessimist all the time but thats the way life is. an unpredictable bitch. thats why, i have no regrets telling the people i liked in the past how i liked them. cos yeah, maybe i did that abit soon and abit rash and it happened all too fast, but you never know when the time comes where you might not be able to tell them.

take the risk
take the fall
feel the pain
get up again
shy away
thats ok
feel no pain
but still the same

and to sum up, i was reading my maths1 lecture notes while waiting to check davinder's answer to the question and there was this quote on the cover sheet which was rather nice. its by sophocles(however you pronounce that). and you know what? i cant find my lecture notes. but the gist of it is that you always have to try and learn something, cos even though you think you can do it, theres no certainty until you actually do it and prove you could. ahh yes somehow my version seems more confusing. ahh nevermind gabriel out! :)

"life is a road that i wanna keep going
love is a river i wanna keep flowing
life is a road now and forever
wonderful journey
i'll be there when the world stops turning
i'll be there when the storm is through
in the end i wanna be standing
at the beginning with you"

Thursday, September 09, 2004

i hate looking like an idiot in my chemistry class all the time. im not really that idiotic ok. its just that i happen to not know the answer every single time. aargh and today's presentation was graded. and i knew my lab teacher mei fong was out to torture from the moment i entered the class. she was the second invigilator and the first thing when i walked in, she asked what topic my partner and i were doing on. tough luck, i think i delivered my speech not too bad, but it was the question answering that killed me. mei fong asked me 3 questions. THREE!! and i didnt knoe how to answer a single one! not even one! until she hinted me like danm obviously la thats when i guessed the answer. aargh i hate being stupid.

it doesnt matter which tree blooms first, they all bloom eventually.

and with that in mind, i think all of us should be patient with our lives really. unless i have a 60 year old man reading my blog who i dont know of, im sure everyone who reads this is around my age. we've barely started. why rush into things cos of impatience? it may end up wrong cos it wasnt meant to be. time will eventually tell.

my bio essay is due tomorrow at 145 pm and i havent wrote a single word. nope, not even one! and its a 1000 word essay. shit man this is bad, cos moreover i cant bullshit unlike HOI or lit essay. this is a factual essay which means i actually have to write stuff that has been said before. and not my opinion. i hate it when i dont get to voice my opinion. i think i make sense quite often.
so at the start of yesterday night, i was faced with 4 deadlines. this morning i handed up my EAP speech plan, so that was one down. and then i handed up by drama self evaluation form after lunch, so that was two down, two to go. and then of cos was my horrible chem presentation which was 3 down. so now, ive only got my bio essay left. and once thats done, its exams next week, and then i can finally get a breather. sheesh. i wish i could just be a musician or a soccer player. beats studying. ohwells, gabriel out :)

"dont go away, say what you say
say that you'll stay, forever and a day
in the time of my life
cause i need more time
yes i need more time just to make things right
so dont go away"
-dontgoaway/oasis

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

i think simple plan wrote this song specially for me. i mean, its all im feeling right now.

hey dad look at me, think back and talk to me
did i grow up according to plan
and do you think im wasting my time
doing things i wanna do
cos it hurts when you disapprove all along
and now i try hard to make it
i just wanna make you proud
im never gonna be good enough for you
cant pretend that im alright
and you cant change me

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
im sorry i cant be perfect
now its just too late
and we cant go back
im sorry i cant be perfect

i try not to think about the way i feel inside
do you knoe you used to be my hero
and all the days you spent with me
now seems so far away
and it feels like you dont care anymore
and now i try hard to make it
i just wanna make you proud
im never gonna be good enough for you
cant stand another fight
and nothings alright

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
im sorry i cant be perfect
now its just too late
and we cant go back
im sorry i cant be perfect

nothings gonna change the things that you said
nothings gonna make this right again
please dont turn your back
i cant believe its hard just to talk to you
cos you dont understand

cos we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
im sorry i cant be perfect
now its just too late
and we cant go back
im sorry i cant be perfect

-perfect by simpleplan

anyway happy birthday to mr tan lee ren in melbourne. and also happy birthday to mr nigel brendan boey xun wen back in singapore. i'll see you pretty soon buddy.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

haha first and foremost, xue, youre very welcome. anytime babe :)

today was one of those days where everything that could go right happened, and everything that could go wrong didnt happen. it was, as lee ren always says, 'picture perfect'. managed to get abit of maths done thanks to my private tutor(haha) and then samantha and clement came over after school for awhile to listen to me sing. haha thanks for the support.
and then a big thank you to nina and sarah for that amazing delicious scrumptious tantalising succulent dinner which was rather out of this world. the only thing me and mah could say during dinner was 'oh fuck'. hahha and mah described the dinner with a rather crude word i shant mention. but it started with an 'O'.

and to top it all off, mr eric chang called and that was the best part of it all. haha miss him to pieces. started talking all the shit again and rickyboy i know youre gonna read this so you better get your ass down here at the end of october or i'll be sad. honestly!

so anyway, today was basically a great day. and it just occured to me that it was a tuesday. terrific tuesdays are back on track. yup not much more to say really cos i gotta shit, bathe and sleep cos i have the lovely bio lab tomorrow morning and thats always a bitch to wake up for. so yeah, gabriel out!

"if i could find you now, things would get better
we could leave this town and run forever
i know somewhere somehow we'll be together
let your waves crush down on me
and take me away yeah"
-yellowcard/oceanavenue

Monday, September 06, 2004

i really find it curious how things that happen to u earlier in your life, which seem to have no significance whatsoever can come back in the future and have relevance. and this kinda things make u wonder whether it might have been a sign of things to come. for me its in the songs i write.
i remember telling karen once that i liked airports and i said i was going to write a song on that and she said how would that be possible. and i wrote a song called 'aeroplane' and that was seriously a long time ago. but seeing how i left singapore earlier this year, it was kinda a symbol of things to come. and the lyrics werent that irrelevant too. on the contrary, it was quite linked. ahh heres just abit of it.

"and im flying away, on an aeroplane
before this world drives me insane
i may come back some other day
but right now i just cant stay
no matter what you say"

yeah thats basically just the chorus of it la. and then theres also the song i wrote in sec2 for the music project which i mentioned in an earlier post. the one titled 'in the end' about betrayal and stuff like that. yeah that proved my point.
and i also just remember the first song i ever wrote about karen. haha awfully long time ago, but now in the present, maybe that song wasnt meant for her, although back then it certainly was. yeah i think ive found someone who actually belongs to the song. yeah this ones titled 'the one' and i'll just write the chorus down again.

"she was the one, who gave me the greatest gift
and she was the one who turned me over, a brand new leaf
and she was the one who renewed the lost faith, i had in God
and she was the one, who helped me through her own accord"

alright, anyway enough bout my ramblings on my compositions. today was a pretty slack day, had 2 tutorials, one of which was my favourite maths1 tute with philip mannes. he gave me the worksheet and i asked if i could do it outside the classroom in the study area. he agreed so i left and went to grattan street to play table tennis with mah and ating. around 5 plus, lee ren came and then we went kfc cos lee ren was hungry la. and after that we went home, which is why im here blogging at 820 in the evening.
exams in a week's time; the horror of it all. but this term aint that bad, 2 exams only: maths1 and literature. so thats not that much to study for. only maths really, cos literature exam is where they give you essay questions to choose from and u can prepare for it, before going into the exam hall on the day itself to do it. but in addition to having to prepare this lit essay and studying maths, i have a chemistry project due this thursday, which i have barely started on, and a bio essay due this friday, which i have not started on. gotta get down to serious studying soon.
i dont think i need anyone to be a motivation to me cos thats like wrong la. i mean if your own future isnt a big enough motivation to get you studying then i seriously think youre screwed la. honestly, you dont need like a materialistic or like physical item to make you study. say like a reward if you get good grades or stuff like that. i mean, its for your own good really and thats what we should incorporate in our values, instead of the reward system even ive been immersed in where, if you get good grades, mummy will buy you a new handphone or what not.
im itching to play soccer really, and the fact that we're not playing tmr cos everyone wants to study for exams is sickening! where am i gonna find my exercise of my stress relief from? sheesh heh, nevermind theres always other forms of recreation i suppose. like having coffee with lee when im meant to be at chem lecture. or playing table tennis with mah when im meant to be at maths1 tutorial. ohwell if i grow up to be a professional coffee drinker or table tennis player, whos to say?

once again, as my return home seems near and imminent, i find myself starting to think of certain people. like you knoe, people i'll get to see again and stuff. and i dont knoe la. its not easy and its not simple. to see such people its quite difficult actually. and circumstances are really quite complicated. ahh ohwell, i'll worry about when it comes. take things one step at a time and you'll be fine.
but of cos, one thing not complicated about going home is getting to see my family and friends again, not to mention everything about singapore ive come to miss about. the weather, the food, the lifestyle, the happenings, all of it la. and i wanna see my tv again. this sounds very ah lian but you have to understand i dont have a tv in my room here. so for the last 8 plus weeks, the only ever time i watch tv is when i go over to my friend's places. ok now stop and actually try and think about it. would you survive 8 weeks without a tv? i dont think so. haha alrite gabriel out!

Sunday, September 05, 2004

lee rens birthday party was last night although hes actual birthday is this wednesday la, which i just realised happens to be the same as nigey boy. well thanks once again for all who came, cos the party wouldnt have been a party without the guests. and lee ren sure gets "exotic" birthday presents. heh.
had a sleep in till 12 today then woke up and andrewkueh came over to do the chemistry project. i dare say we did a good job on the poster(well he did a good job drawing) and as long as we prepare for our speeches properly, the chemistry presentation should be just fine. had dinner with lee and mah, then went to mah's house to eat birthday cake along with adel, ame, jennifer and yenteng.

i just caught up with wenhao over msn after not talking to the guy for a good 4-5 months perhaps? sheesh lots of memories came flooding back. going to pool world after church every sunday along with xinghui, and all those times in church with the cell group. haha those days are fondly remembered but they seem so distant and faraway. i remember accompanying him to get his handphone which he left in the taxi haha and bonding over the macdonalds session. and most memorable of all is probably all those mahjong sessions. including the overnight one with owen and eric half drunk and owen trying to chi across the table then going "oh shit!". and we played till 9am the next morning and eric had an appointment at 11am. heh those were the days. and all those ac orientation times, and wenhao was the 'message bearer' at my farewell party the following day. haha first i cried then i died.

i realise ive been very content with my life thus far. not happy, not elated at the way things have been going, but i realised ive been content. in everything i have done, maybe i havent exactly been good enough. PSLE, O levels, piano exams, whatever shit la. but i knoe that i tried and thats good enough for me.
same thing goes for girls, it doesnt matter if she doesnt like me. you see the thing is, i know ive tried my very best, and have been the nicest person i could be to her, and if thats not good enough, thats fine with me. maybe i just wasnt good enough. but as long as i know i tried my very best, that not more that can be asked for.

so what if we always miss the green lights?
so what if we always get the red lights?
so what if we havent crossed the road?
there is always another green light.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

today was an unbelievable. had the happiest of happys and the saddests of sads, but at the end of the day, writing this post, i must say im pretty happy, so the sadness has disappeared.
what made me the most happy today was clement. how he actually may be sad inside but hes always putting up a cheerful front just so that his friends wont worry for him, and also just because thats his personality. he wont let things get him down cos he has faith. and thats something i need. and clement said the most beautiful thing today. i was eating chinabar with adelene and he was crossing the road and i shouted for him and as he couldnt hear me asking him to go for my drama he turned back to walk to us. and then when i apologized for making him miss the crossing, he said the best phrase ive ever heard someone i know come up with.

me: eh sorry i made you miss the crossing ah

clement: huh no la its ok. theres always another green light.

i was totally in awe la, i mean how brilliant is that. so what if this time you screw up. so what if once again the girl youve fallen for doesnt like you. so what if once again youve read the signs wrongly. so what if once again you just cant seem to do anything. and so what if you think there really isnt another way out?
there is.
theres always another green light.
and clement was nice enough to walk me to evan burge to calm me down before drama. and i was wearing my suit so i was quite paiseh to walk with him cos was all dressed as a student so i started pretending to be his lecturer. haha.
"so youve started on macromolecules already?"
"ahh yes the chapter on alkanes is rather simple?"
haha mr clement lin wins the FRIEND OF THE DAY award. thanks for skipping your HOI tutorial to watch my drama.

speaking of which, drama was another thing that made me happy today. well not for the performance but for the fact that the people that most of my friends came to support la. which was awesomely sweet. should i name you guys out? haha nahh you guys knoe who you are la. i wont name who came cos maybe it wasnt me they came to see la but those who came to see me, you guys rest assure that i know that, and im blessed to have friends like you. even though these friends may be like chee chiew keng who message me on msn, reply 'haha', and the next day scold me for not replying online. hahaha.
but the performance itself wasnt too bad. i felt that i did my best, which hopefully was good enough. and i was stressing the importance of me not being a comedian, but a SERIOUS actor. haha well hope you guys enjoyed it la, thats the only time you'll ever see me acting so dumb.
and even leeren who couldnt watch cos he had class gave me a good luck sms. 'give it ut all ashton'. hahahaha thanks lee, meant alot too!

you knoe wad? if you only let the happy things get to you, then you wont be sad at all. i just wrote down all the things that made me happy today. and you know wad? im ecstatic really? and i was thinking of writing the happy things first, then the sad things. but actually, what for? recounting the sad things will just make me sad. so i'll just leave the happy things written down, and leave the room being a happy person.

i mean after all, theres always another green light ;)

me

everyone calls me gab
and i'm a goofball of a guy!
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