Tuesday, March 25, 2008
perhaps after a post full of emotion and perspective, it is time to revert back to one full of fluff, serving no purpose apart from remembering what i did, and keeping spirits up in times of dreariness.
i should explain my actions also. the reason why my emo-post was labelled "semi-drunk" although i was totally aware of what i was typing is because of the treachery that is known as
St. Patricks Day!!
it all started out with having lunch with my brother and some friends near uni and then i had to post something for my dad. and the queue at the post office was seriously freaking long and slow; i waited for almost 45 mins and the post office is about the size of my living room how many people can possibly fit in there comfortably!!
so upon finishing the errand (what a hot day too about 35 degrees), i was walking home when i cantered past the british pub below my apartment, seeing the exterior all decked out in
orange and green balloons. "wow!!", i said to myself. i had never celebrated st pat's before. so to reward myself for running the errand for my dad i would get a pint!
and so upon ordering my pint i went to the tables outside (it was a very nice sunny day after all) and what do you know, all were taken!! so i spotted this guy sitting by himself and i was like "howdy mate, mind if i join you?" and he gestured for me to sit.
so there i was, beer in hand chatting to a stranger, when he then proceeds to ask "aye mate you reckon we should get another round?" and of course, not wanting to lose face for my asian pride, we went for a second pint each. it was then when i noticed this really cool guinness tshirt that said "i always get my guinness from the elephant and wheelbarrow". so i enquired how to get one, and the bartender said you got a tshirt or a guinness jester's hat for every 4 pints of stout you bought.
being the sweet thoughtful younger brother i am, i was like dan would love one of these. so i kept drinking till i had 4 pints, got me one of those swell tshirts for him. my friend from earlier had long gone, his spot had been taken over by two kiwis who were in melbourne for the storm-warriors clash.
i then thought, all my drinking on st pat's and nothing to show for it besides a tshirt for dan?? nope, i decided, i shall get me a jester's hat. thankfully, the two kiwis gave me their coupons, what fine gentlemen, so i only needed to order two more and voila! i got meself a beautiful new hat.
so i was now onto my sixth pint and third new encounter (this time a guy with an eyepatch!!) when dan called and said he was coming from school. so i was waiting for him when it struck me how nice the tshirt actually was. i finally came to a conclusion: i need one of those for myself!! off to get another 4 pints.
from then on it got abit hazy. i know dan helped me with a couple, we made new friends: nathan (a guy in a suit) and three storm fans who were also going for the match (lazza and his stooges i call em cause i cant remember what the other two were called).
back upstairs in the apartment and being so high, the first thing i did was pour down another can of carlton draught down my throat. haha you do see where things are heading. so when we reached the stadium, dan passed me a piping hot meat pie and a cold beer. those went down really well together.
i dont remember much of the match. adriel sent me home in a cab at halftime. that i dont remember much of either. no puking tho, i woke up very sober, just feeling thirsty and giddy, and i even managed to come up with a blog entry like the last one.
and there you go, a tale my grandchildren will definitely hear of. grandpa's first ever st pat's day.
lights off, pyjamas on
1:45 AM
Monday, March 17, 2008
i think i have finally realised why breaking up is so difficult. it kinda hit me just, in my half-druken, half-pensive stupor.
the truth is, i think we actually dont mourn the demise of the relationship. rather, we mourn the demise of a friendship. not any friendship for that matter, but probably one of the greater friendships you will ever have in life.
when you spend so much time with a particular person, you invariably get familiar with one another, accustomed to their dos and don'ts, and naturally with familiarity comes security, or at least stability. we must never underestimate how much we all value and need stability in our lives. something constant, something that will never change or relent despite all the negativity that may be going on in our lives at that particular moment. something you can always turn to for comfort and relief. someone who's always there for you, regardless of how worthless you feel, who will hold your hand and see all the beauty in you.
mums and dads are the other people who can do that. that's why i think everyone should be pretty good friends with their parents. despite my many shortcomings in my relationship with them, i know at the end of the day, they are two people from a microscopically-small group of people that are constants in my life.
i can safely say that in the two-plus years of my first and only relationship thus far, she was my best friend by a mile. and i reckon the hurt from a lover leaving you burns deeply and only for a short while. the subsequent pain from losing a friend is less bitter and hateful, but filled with so much more sorrow, and lasts all the more longer. some people probably never get over their best friend leaving them.
i would love to list all the things she used to do for me that made me feel special, made me feel adequate, and more importantly, made me feel more loved than i have ever felt in a long long time. but that would be going against all the promises i've made to myself about moving on and letting go.
i still sleep on my side of the bed. funnily enough, it's become second nature to leave the side closer to the window untouched. there's a certain emptiness to the whole thing, but the spaces are not there because there's no one to hug or kiss anymore. rather, it feels so damn vacant because there isn't that one person to just hold your hand when things aren't that right, or just laugh about the silliest things anymore.
using a phrase we so often throw about but perfectly sums it all up, break-ups are truly "such a waste". the death of all that was golden in the past, the departure of what was a given thing in the present, and the demise of realizing something beautiful in the future.
passion. i reckon that's what many people go through right now actually. they mistake it for love of course, too caught up in the intoxication and ecstasy to note the difference. but passion, it's the greatest euphoria in the world, and dies down pretty rapidly.
love. you don't get overly happy-high from love. you don't brag to your friends how great your "love"-life is. that would be your social life which we so often get confused about as well. telling your mates how many chicks you picked up at a club. we often ask how one's lovelife is going, referring to questions such as the aforementioned. they couldn't be more different.
what you DO get from love is contentment. or at least, that's what i personally fervently believe. you walk around with a smile on your face, that nothing can wipe off. you're definitely not on top of the world, but all of a sudden the world seems like a decent place to be living in.
love = friendship.
perhaps one day my random musings on this topic will be read by her. maybe she will be touched and come back to me (laughs). in an ideal case scenario, i hope this doesnt happen. for what i'm going through now, is contentment. having the knowledge that you could make a person so much happier, but being able to be happy for him/her nonetheless. being able to respect them for the mistakes they are making.
that is love after all isn't it? that's the courtesy i was afforded anyway. making mistakes, having countless fallacies, and still being appreciated for the person i am. an initial fear of commitment, a particular dislike for wearing anything besides beaten-down hoodies, to name just a few.
perhaps in a couple of years, or maybe just months, i will look bad and think how silly i sounded. i might go, "come gab, that was never love." you never know, do you. but in a perfect world, i will stand tall and say i am the luckiest man alive. in my first relationship, i was already taught the beauty of love. i was given a great friendship, and i knew what it was like to be content.
you don't need much more in life do you. everyone's always aiming so high. i'm not saying it's a bad thing, sometimes i wish i had more desire. lack of ambition is one of my greatest shortcomings. but no one knows how to be content anymore. parents want you to be a doctor. shallow guys not settling for anything but the hottest girls. materialistic girls not settling for anything but the nicest threads.
i guess the thing i miss most about having a best friend, is having someone to maintain your sanity, reminding you in this day and age we live in that we're not so crazy after all. but having said that, at least i did have a best friend. for that, i am content.
for i have been loved.
friendship = love.
lights off, pyjamas on
11:58 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
6 days into being back in melbourne. everyone keeps asking me how it's like and i always just say it's surreal. like honestly, i never expected i'd have to come back; partially thankful yet somewhat apprehensive of how the next four months will unfold. definitely a new melburnian experience awaits, being less depressed definitely but also having more freedom and less certainty in everyday life.
last few days in singapore were carried out as per normal. friday night was particularly meaningful, drinks at holland with tat and owen at first. subsequent participants when we adjourned to supper included (in order of arrival) azad, xue, beks and marc. loved azad's sms when he wasnt sure if he could come out. "i have to go back to camp now. stupid ji f*****" haha referring to the now infamous fugutive.
last day in singapore was pretty fun too. went down to jurong point to have lunch with yuwei and hoon (cause it's near ntu). couple of games of vt3 at the arcade, followed by yuwei's usual nonsense at crystal jade. after the waiter asked me if i still wanted my dish (which i was done with), yuwei said "you should have replied, 'why you want ah??' ". hahaha i almost fainted when he said that.
so singapore this time round was good, i miss everyone now! haha interestingly enough i miss some people that i wouldnt have imagined i would miss, and also other people more than i thought i would. all the little things that matter, you realise especially more when you're away.
first week back has been pretty eventful tho. jammed with teresa on friday which was pretty fun. coffee with adriel the night before if i'm not wrong, having a cuppa and chat with adriel is always fab because we're never on a different wavelength.
went to st kilda over the weekend too which was pretty fun. weian and i saw a super duper hot chick sunbathing in a bikini so we were like, okayyy gotta get a closer look. so we pretended to be going to have a dip and walked past but since we were already walking towards the sea, it would have looked ridiculous to turn back haha so we ended up really having a dip! and bullshit weather forecast that said 35degrees!! it was almost noon and it was only starting to warm up meaning the water was freaking ice-cold still!! haha maximum shrinkage i reckon.
an was pretty funny. he didnt dare put the upper body into the water. and then behind him there was this guy with a chick who was like "i dont wanna go in it's so cold!" and then an was like "humji fella" and i was like ogayyy look who's talking! heh heh.
ok its 7 in the morning and i should get off to bed cause i have to meet tee at 1230 and i think i'm gonna have difficulty waking up. gabriel out!
lights off, pyjamas on
4:19 AM
Monday, March 03, 2008
after months of songwriter's block, i have finally, as of an hour ago, completed a new song. in a way, writing and completing the song eventually was easy, but the difficulty was in the inability to be inspired for all the last few months.
thankfully there is someone new to inspire me. we haven't know each other that well for very long but i feel we've gotten closer since i came back. in my spare time when i'm not occupied, she springs into mind and when i'm luckier, she sometimes graces my breathing moments with her presence. i guess this new-found (albeit involuntary) freedom has opened my eyes to newly-opened doors and greener grass.
now for the sad part: she doesnt know i exist. and the sadder part: she doesnt even REALLY exist. hahaha this is my new song, titled
Let's Run Away (You and Your Powers). anyone who watches heroes will probably be familiar with my new girl :P
I have known you since, the month that you turned five
You haven’t noticed me, since that very same night
We have grown up now; I’ve turned out quite a bore
You turned out beautiful, now you’ve become something more
Just a high-school girl, with boys on your mind
Trusted upon you, to be one-of-a-kind
You are invincible, except for just one part
Your only weakness, your broken fragile heart
You and your powers, are keeping me awake tonight
You shouldn’t have to, always do what is right
A hero right now, but you’re a freak some other day
Let’s find a new place, let’s run away
So you saved the world, you stopped them getting burnt
But think about it now, what do you get in return
I can’t promise you, I’ll let you take care of me
But rest assured with me, there’s a lot of the world to see
You and your powers, are keeping me awake tonight
You shouldn’t have to, always do what is right
A hero right now, but you’re a freak some other day
Let’s find a new place, let’s run away
For all the powers I can steal, the many times you heal
To spend with you just one more day, I’ll give them all away
It’s come my time to take a bow, buildings exploding around
You’ll bring me away from here right now
The day of reckoning, I’m counting all my crimes
I wish I could just turn back time
You and your powers, are keeping me awake tonight
You shouldn’t have to, always do what is right
A hero right now, but you’re a freak some other day
Let’s find a new place, let’s run away
You and your powers are the only things I’ve got
For all the hurt I’ve caused without a thought
If you could give me, another chance to be
Your hero right now, I’ll save you finally
lights off, pyjamas on
12:10 AM
