Thursday, March 31, 2005

shit blogger just cancelled my whole post. shall attempt to write it again.

today was a sad day cause i was unable to get my deposit for the guitar refunded, which means im getting the guitar, or else i have to forfeit my $800 deposit. i mean im happy that im getting the guitar, but i feel guilty cause its alot of money and i dont necessarily need it. also, apologies to leeren and xue and nick and the others in favour of the black, but i have gone for the wine red one. but my reason for that is very valid. whenever i perform i sometimes wear black tshirts and that accompanied with an all-black guitar would have made me look positively gothic, which really isnt the kind of music im playing, nor the image i would like to portray. ok i wouldnt mind looking gothic, but not play goth music thanks.

so today had lunch with nina and sarah at nasilemakhouse, followed by the trip to the music store to attempt to swindle the salesman into giving me a refund. tough luck, then chiewkeng joined us. i had alot of fun tinkering around with the keyboards cause the last time i touched a piano was probably when i was still in singapore, so it was nice to get my hands on abit of keys for a change instead of all the strings! and i fell in love with all the electric violins. someone please teach me how to play a violin, or if you dont mind playing violin for a punk/rock/emo band, my band needs a violin to accompany us on our yellow card songs hee.

evening was spent first at adel's place just chilling and playing with the webcam, and then over to amelia's house where they all were having dinner and i was just experimenting with the guitar. cabbed back to burwood cause my mum was calling and then here i am now.

had a number of nice conversations with close friends namely wenhao, jin, shumin, eric, ryanho etc. it felt really nice to share and like let out your feelings, or just talking nonsense and feel deep in your heart that there are friends that really care for you.
okie lots of work to do tomorrow so im off to bed soon. gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
12:52 AM

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

hey here at weian's place again cause i stayed over again last night, cause hes not back yet from sydney. so actually i helped him vaccuum his place cause he asked me to cause its really really messy, with paper cuttings all over the floor. NEVER do architecture.

so because my bank card can only draw out $800 in a day, i couldnt buy my guitar yesterday so i put a $800 deposit and im going to pay the remainig $850 today. but then last night i was thinking about it, and ive come to the conclusion that i dont want the guitar. this sounds so stupid yes i know ive been gripeing for the past few weeks how badly i want the guitar. but i thought about it, $1650 is a very big sum to pay for a silly electric guitar. and like, its not even my own money, and its not as though i dont already have an electric guitar. but yar even though i want it so damn badly, its not exactly classified under a "need". and this sounds so ridiculous cause i know i really really want it so badly, and im pretty sure if my parents hadnt agreed to get it for me, i would still want it as much.

but this always happens, i always want something and then when i can get it, i tend to have second thoughts. and i can safely conclude from that that im a commitment phobe. honestly. it has happened in the past before, girls i like and then when they start showing positive signs back i start backing off for no apparent reason. but i seriously am certain its cause i have a fear of commitment. like the "does she really like me for who i am" starts popping in my head, and the feeling of the humongous weight of being tied down.

and whos to say this wont keep up in the future? i probably dont want the guitar anymore cause im having second thoughts whether its the RIGHT guitar for me seeing how im guitar crazy and i want a million and one different models.

but commitment phobia aside, i can say im indeed very proud of myself for deciding that i do not need the guitar and that im not going to get it. i really can get my $800 deposit back if not im screwed larh. better think of an excuse to give the man for not buying the guitar.

anyway eric left yesterday after a short 4 day holiday. it was fun having him around, miss you chang. then when he was leaving nicole said the most bimbo thing ever haha.

nicole: ericky im going to miss you!!!
eric: wth are you talking about lar you're going to see me tomorrow!
nicole: oh yarrrr..........

haha cause nicole is flying off to sydney today. hahah really funny so yesterday after sending eric off and going to get the guitar, i had dinner at don don with nicole and claire. and then at night at around 1am i was sitting at the smokers corner eating cup noodles when yonsen walked by. haha so yeah we talked and then i went over to uropa for a few drinks and to catch up with yons, dwin and kevintan. so yeah after 2 beers and a few smokes i was pretty fly. so i conked out the moment i got home. cheers.

hahah okie going to take a bath now and then find people to chill out with. see ya!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:50 AM

Monday, March 28, 2005

ok hieee im back. heh well yup, my parents went back to singapore today so yeah, freedom once again, although the homesickness has really kicked in.
well we sorta had a huge argument and then they asked me why my face was always so black and i suddenly blurted out "im homesick okay". and thats when it dawned on me the real reason why im been feeling so moody lately. the longest ive been away from home is probably 10 weeks. this time around, im gonna be away for maybe 16-18 weeks. almost twice as long, and it really really sucks. not being able to celebrate owen's birthday with lee, adam and marc was just horrid. i dont knoe it just sucks.

on a lighter note, blessed easter to everyone! but yeah, easter away from home this year really really is miserable. considering the first few hours of last easter were spent with you in the park, watching the stars and promising you i would stop smoking. and it sucks im not able to be around you and such a time when unpleasant stuff occurred before, but just cause im not around you doesnt mean im not thinking about you. you're always on my mind, in my heart :)

using wei an's room now cause he's leaving for sydney in a couple of hours time so im keeping his keys for him. which means a place to stay in the city and all so thats great.

and also on a much brighter note, eric's here! went out with him and claire and nicole on friday night, and just had soccer with him earlier today with the soccer people, followed by dinner at kaneda. jap food yum! ian said the funniest thing today. cause you see weian is going to sydney along with nick and ian, and weian said he wanted to go sightseeing. so ian was like
"is the sydney opera house any different from two years ago???"
haha it was super funny cause ian just wants to go there and gamble and screw sightseeing.

soccer today was good, played centre mid, scored one, but overall did a good job tackling and distributing and defending. my new soccer people are a really lovely fun bunch i have to say. dinner was hilarious cause we were just talking nonsense, and they're very generous people. like they order side dishes for everyone to share, but they will insist on paying the dishes themselves. sheesh thank goodness i met them.

ok this post was definitely very disjointed but yup just a quick update cause i havent been around much. just got back from yonsen's place cause eric was there, and definitely very tired so yup, gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
1:31 AM

Thursday, March 24, 2005

www.gibson.com/products/gibson/sg/SGSpecial.html

ok this is the address but im too lazy to figure out how to link it so yeah. "wine red" or "ebony"

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
1:07 PM

hello just a quick update lest everyone thinks i have gone to kill myself in my drunken stupor heh. probably wont be online too much the next few days cause my parents are in town visiting so i'm staying over at their hotel till sunday, so yeah nice comfy cosy hotel room, just that it has no internet :( and in erm at most 4 hours time, i will be seeing a certain eric chang kuang fu. so hee thats good thats good. yeah but cant fetch him from the airport cause i got a soccer game at 4 and its alreadi 348 so yes im obviously going to be late.

last night was great cause i had dinner with my parents and a couple who were their friends. it was just nice to be pampered a lil, not having to worry about food and stuff like that, yup.

and keep your fingers crossed, but i really hope they get me the electric. ive been talking to my mum about it, and she told me to seriously talk to my dad about it. haha please please i really want it badly. its not like i always want things not like people i know, i only change my handphone when i need to, and i dont have an ipod or whatever. so yar i really really hope they get the guitar for me. i'm even willing to pay half the price for it cause its really expensive. and im in a dilemma. wine red or black. wine red or black. its currently 3-1 in wine red's favour. nina, amelia and dan all think wine red, with the only supporter of black mr tan lee ren. haha and wei an confused me by telling me both were nice haha.
ok if you're free go to gibson.com and go look at "products" and then "electric guitars" and then "SG Series" and then "SG Special" and go to the bottom of the picture and put your cursor over wine red and ebony. and tell me which one is nicer haha. ok and yar sorry i put the link up but then blogger kept giving me problems so im taking it down in hope it can now post. haha thanks a million. ONLY IF YOU"RE FREE!

and just for trivia's sake, the black one has been used by the nerdy-looking but super cool yellowcard lead. and the wine red one is used by the very handsome but cheesy busted lead. so yar im trying to be very handsome but super cool so go figure.

ok soccer soccer gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
12:47 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

and so they say ignorance is bliss. i hate being such a busybody that i go snooping around other people's business when im bored. and then i see things and i read things that i dont really like. and being the emotional basketcase i am, i get all miserable and upset. 2 games of minesweeper flags with karen did help, cause i did win both heh, but nahh, im still really erm constipated.

so i have a test tomorrow, and i have 3 chapters untouched. so im going to get off the internet now, study the 3 chapters as much as i can. and then when im done, im gonna touch that lonely bottle of whisky on my table. i'll have a few drinks, put on my headphones to the tunes of papa roach and boxcar racer and blast them. and whatever i do, i'll try not to think of you.

its shitty that i have to always turn to alcohol to numb myself.

cut my life into pieces,
this is my last resort.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:37 PM

Sunday, March 20, 2005

okie dokes. havent blogged in awhile cause i was in the city on friday and saturday. so yup im back home now. im so exhausted tonight cause i just had soccer this evening. and i played really really badly. the weather was ridiculously hot for a week which has been very cool, i was flat within 5 minutes. stamina is really bad.
did score the last goal when i chipped the last man but nah, pretty horrid playing today. i shall look to play better next weekend.

just got off the phone with nigey and ryan, overseas phone calls tsk haha. nigel was damn funny. cos ryan said "i rather have loved and not be loved in return then not to have loved at all". or something like that and he said it like out of the blue. so nigel and i were stunned and then nigey was like "A FLASH OF BRILLIANCE". haha it was reallly really funny.
oh and i have to mention leeren was damn sweet. while i was on the tram to the city on friday, i got a
private number call which is most of the time from overseas and so i thought it was from my mum or someone. and guess who it was? tan lee ren. hahah so yeah we talked awhile and all and then he had to go.

cant wait for this week to be over and done with. then at least there's a one week easter break. and for the first time ever, i wont be going back home for my hols. i have to figure out how to fill up seven days with activities but knowing me, i'll just sleep all day and stay up all night. but yeah i think this week will pass pretty fast cause my parents are over so i'll probably be spending time with them. and then eric's coming over on thursday and thats the last day of term for me so yeah, this week. please pass fast. please.

i kinda wanna go back this break, even if just for a week. if for nothing more, just so i have an excuse to message you again, just like everytime, "hi im back :)". and we'll message for awhile. but yeah the harsh reality is it would be too much of a waste of money to fly back just for a week and so, i guess i'll have to wait slightly longer to send you that message. to await eagerly for your reply and have my stomach do somersaults. nigel asked me why i didnt have you on my msn list. i told him i didnt need to. but the truth is i need every single grasp of you so badly. which is all the more why im doing the exact opposite. so that i can be stronger :)
hahha but yeah 11 weeks for eric passed pretty fast. 12 weeks more for me shouldnt be that bad. so until then, your phone will be safe from my nonsensical and annoying messages.

anyway, im always content. holding onto memories of you, cause thats what my life revolves around.

gabriel out! :)

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:18 PM

Thursday, March 17, 2005

today was a very bad day. i told everyone online it was the worst day of my life, and maybe it really is. haha. well you see, for the first time since school started, i actually managed to wake up on a wednesday, which is the day with the most classes for me. so i was so happy i went to uni early and had breakfast there.
so first class, psych lecture. but there were two lecture theatres side by side, and i didnt knoe which one it was in. so i followed the one with all the pretty blonde girls(haha) including one who looked like mischa barton! haha but yeah anyway i stopped right at the door and i looked at the theatre number. had a feeling it was the wrong one so i went to the other one. walked in first thing i noticed was the lecturer wasnt aussie, indian or srilankan or pakistani, along the lines. next thing i noticed, the students were almost all hongkies, and chinese and indians. almost zero locals. i was wondering what kind of racist school is this, where they put all the non-aussies in one lecture. so then i sat down and then the lecturer went to open his presentation. "CLICK" and two big words appeared "COMPUTER NETWORKING". i was like oh shit. i was originally going to the right lecture! but i was so embarassed i just sat down and pretended to copy notes, but i had no idea what he was talking about, except maybe when he mentioned kazaa.
so after that i hastily made my way out for my next lecture, media&communication. also another first time lecture, but this time i made sure i was at the right lecture theatre. took out my timetable and checked 5 times. swear it was right, sumpah! so i walked in and sat down. then the lecturer closed the door. "CLICK"-SPORTS SCIENCE AND COACHING. omg you really have no idea how stunned and appalled i was at myself. how on earth does anyone go for the wrong lecture TWICE in a row?!? but at least this one was very very interesting i was even copying down notes honestly. so what went wrong was the media&comm lecture was an hour later! i checked the venue but didnt notice the time. i am so blur, and laura was laughing her head off just now when i told her.

aargh i am so cheesed off with myself! to think i was so happy to have made it to class today! i will forever go down in the annals of himbos/dumbjocks/losers you get the idea. well at least i made it to the right psychology tutorial, and wow there was this really cute brunette. but i kinda shot myself in the foot cause after class i asked my tutor which was the correct lecture venue, and he had no idea too. so she happened to be walking past us out of class and he asked her, then she told me it was the other one, then i spontaneously said "oh shit i went to the wrong lecture today". the look she gave me was priceless man, it was a combination of contempt and ridicule i wanted to bury myself in the classroom floor. but today's psych tute discussion topic was very very good. remind me again to blog about it someday.

and to sum up my miserable day, i finally got my two weeks plus worth of laundry done. and guess how long i spent ironing my clothes? 8pm-1am with a 15min dinner at 1130. the time i spend ironing clothes is the time other people spend to actually SEW the clothes. and halfway, i heard this sorta howling noise and i was pretty freaked out. but then i realised it was coming from jones' room. haha im not being mean but you should have really heard him sing. it was quite amusing, cause he's indonesian, but he was singing JAY CHOU for goodness sake. he knew all the words to an hao and qi li xiang, and all the other chinese songs. i was very amused i recorded it down.

so yeah there you have it, the worst day of my life haha. its erm 449am now, thankfully my only class tomorrow is at 1500-1550 so i can wake up slightly later. and no class on friday as usual GREAT!

anyway adam introduced me this really good song by pug jelly, "ransom letter". enjoy.

so you stole my heart and left me a ransom letter
demanding i treat you better if i ever want it back
and now im all alone
dreams are all forgotten, memories all turned rotten
its not the same on the phone

so what's up girl
things havent changed abit since we last met
i bet my bottom dollar you're the best girl that i ever had
i never wanna lose you
so whats up

i cant let you walk away
we planned to live forever in each other's arms
so please hold on
you know no one will love you like i do
and thats the thing you know it too

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
1:36 AM

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

i just woke up from a 3 hour nap, cause school was really tiring today. i keep referring to it as school and not uni, makes it sound so young still. okay that didnt make sense.

anyway had professionalwriting at 10 in the morning till 12. and my tutor kept calling me TAN. cause i accidentally wrote my name in the register as "tan gabriel". so she thought my name was tan and kept going "tan, would you like to answer the next question?" i was like so amused. and 5 people had to present their rough ideas for our upcoming assignment next week in class, so she already had 4 people. and she had to choose me! "tan would you like to be number 5??" so thanks to that, i got one week to come up with some ideas, lest i make a fool of myself in class. and i dont wanna make a fool of myself in class anymore, not after last year's chemistry tutorials.
and i'm quite surprised at the standard of the locals' english. cause seeing they've spoken english all their lives, i thought like they'd be rather proficient at it. but while some are pretty darn good, some of them are pretty darn poor in their grasp of the language. like we had this worksheet where we had to correct the mistakes in the sentences, and some of them, like you know the ones who wanna show the tutor they're enthusiastic and all, came up with all kinds of corrections which i was rather amused of, cos plainly speaking, they were rubbish. ok that was mean, but yeah that was my first class.

so then i came back today, cooked lunch and ate. then i was wondering how come normally i have time to nap in before my second class, but today i dont. i must have taken a long time to cook. so i walked to school and then i was in uni and THEN i went SHIT!!! my class starts at 3pm not 2pm!!! i was so annoyed cause i wanted to nap actually. so i had to walk all the way home and back again.
film and video was great cause today it was very hands on. we spent the whole 2 hours taking turns to film, and be the filming crew, and being the model, which nina probably thinks im very happy to be, but thats not true haha.

so yeah school was pretty tiring today, which is a good sign, cause that means im actually doing work and stuff. so im off now. maybe do abit of studying and then have an early (by no means early cause its 1130) night.
gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:12 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

gab's a happy boy today. cause something in my life is really on the up. i just uncovered a song i wrote like last year, which i didnt really think sounded that fab. so i took the lyrics, totally detached the words from the original music, and just let it flow, playing random chords to try and get it to go together. and i have to say i am very pleased with the outcome. so much so i have decided its gonna be the 4th song on my album. here's a sneak preview of "Superhero".

i'm only a normal person, there's not much i can do
never was a cool one, unlike you
i stared at you from afar, watched you as you walk
but when we came face to face, i could never talk

and its seems every guy, wants to be with you
and with the lot of them,what am i supposed to do

i wanna be your superhero, wanna be your guiding star
wanna know everything you are
i wanna be your God-sent angel, wanna make your dreams come true
i wanna hear you say you love me too

wish i could save you from all of your pain, get rid of all of your grief
be your dashing knight, well only if...
but i have no superpowers, no web or fancy suit
only a love i possess, if only you understood

that the good guy hardly ever get their girl
as harsh as that seems, its so so real

i wanna be your superhero, wanna be your guiding star
wanna know everything you are
i wanna be your God-sent angel, wanna make your dreams come true
i wanna hear you say you love me too

the only demons i can fight, are the ones in your heart
the only time i get hurt, is when you tear me apart
my only sidekicks, are my words and my song
they are the ones who help me get this battle won

i wanna be your superhero, wanna be your guiding star
wanna know everything you are
i wanna be your God-sent angel, wanna make your dreams come through
wanna hear you say that you love me too

yup thats it. hope you found it nice. if you didnt haha thats alright. i can definitely understand cause some music i really cant stand. but yeah, thats just a sneak peek, and if you wanna hear it, i guess you gotta come find me :) gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
8:12 PM

Sunday, March 13, 2005

oh yar replies to those whom i can think of a reply for.

nina: haha yup you're a wonderful chat buddy too and thanks for being the listening ear.
hwh: only his ego is > la haha hope perth is good.
jin: haha since when you TEHEHEX one!
passerby: hi nick. if you tag again just use nick, i mean "passerby" feels so distant and impersonal. i wanna thank you for what you had to say, and it really made me wake up and realise i shouldnt be lying to myself. thanks and great to hear you had a happy ending thus far :)

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
12:26 AM

Saturday, March 12, 2005

so havent had much time to blog the last few days cause i've been really busy. but yeah here's a recap!

thursday:
ended wednesday night/thursday morning meeting new friends cause one of the guys had been drinking and he dragged me down to join them. so i met sebastian "sea-bass", dan, vicky, dominique, brendan and peter. and a couple others whos names i didnt get. but yeah they were a pretty funny bunch. sebastian was the best. cause we were making lotsa noise, and this bitchy woman (well i call her bitchy but she had a reason to be) opened her door and yelled "will you guys shut the f*ck up! its already 2am!". and then sebastian replied in mock horror "ITS ALREADY THREE AM???" haha and he repeated it twice haha it was very funny.

friday:
erm came to the city and had dinner with claire and nicole too. haha and we watched closer, which is a pretty darn good movie, but please do not watch it with your lover/partner/spouse. you might just look at each other in the middle of the movie and start getting suspicious heh. then i walked back to college square with them where i then met adriel, good ol' adriel!! on holiday from singapore so we went to walk around, and got bounced from a bar haha so we ended up at yonsen's place with yonsen's friends playing mafia and watching them smoke sheesha. dwin kevintan yoonsing and andrew came along so it was good seeing them after like 3 months. kevintan followed me down to 7eleven to get cup noodles so we had a good time chatting too :)

saturday(today):
left yonsen's place at around 12plus after playing winningeleven from around 7, so i played for like 5 hours straight. i'm telling you its quite a mean feat. so then went to meet up with weian to return him money and then we ended up eating lunch and he followed me to claire's to collect my bag. and then i kinda slept at his place awhile then cabbed home cause i had to be home. watched episodes 8-12 of the OC haha its really really great.

well i'm meant to be at home now but guess where i am? in the city at weian's place and you might be wondering why. well today was the second day of the moomba water festival held annually at melbourne's very own yarra river. at tonight was the fireworks display. lemme tell you guys something about me no one knows.
i adore fireworks. i really do. they are one of the most amazing sights in my opinion. and i guess the reason why i really adore fireworks is cause when i was little, i was terrified of them. haha the loud noises and blinding lights kinda frightened me as a child, but i absolutely love them now. and i want fireworks at my marriage, seriously.

and so you see i wasnt meant to watch the fireworks tonight because i was already supposed to be here last night for moomba so one night was reasonable enough for my mum to allow me to come to the city. sadly i forgot last night wasnt fireworks display night. and i was telling weian earlier in the day i was really gutted that i couldnt watch the pyrotechnics. and on my way back in the cab, it hit me really strongly.

i was contemplating on going home, bathing, giving my mum a call telling her i'm back, and then taking the earliest possible train down to the city to catch the display. but since i woke up at 4pm on friday till 6pm when i was in the cab, i had only had 2 hours of sleep. and i was really tired.

and in that moment i realised all my life, ive never ever really accomplished what i really wanted. its always the same half hearted approach where i say "yeah i want this but hmmm its gonna be so much of a hassle ohwells never mind i wont do it". and i guess that's the only reason why im here now. when i had soccer trials with some club, i was so eager until the day itself then i said i wasnt gonna be good enough so i decided not to turn up. today, i wanted to go check out the guitars at the shop, but i was really sleepy and it was too far, so i said since its gonna be such a hassle, i shant go.

all my life, ive set targets but ive never followed up to achieve them. i deceive myself into believing that i'll be alright without them, and i would. but how much better could i be if i had them. if i had turned up for my trials. if i had went to check out the guitars. if i had taken all my different hobbies and passions seriously. where would i be now.

and no im not gonna let myself keep doing that. i wanted to watch the fireworks so damn badly today, and this may have been a simple task of taking a tram down for 45mins to yarra river. but it meant so much more. cause tonight for the first time in my life, i wanted something which wasnt easy to attain, but i did it all the same. i reached home at nearly 8, the display started at 930 and it takes me nearly an hour to get to the city. i had to walk a freaking long distance from my place to the tram stop, i was having a stomach upset, and i was dead tired, seriously. but i wanted to go so badly. and i went in the end.

i sound like a 6 year old boy obsessed with fireworks haha but thats really just an example. do you knoe how sweet this tastes? that i wanted something, i screwed the odds upside down, and i got what i wanted. do you knoe how good it feels to get something you want?

what the hell are all of us doing wasting our lives away, chasing ideals and morals, trying to attain educational certificates that dont necessarily make you a better person than the one who doesnt have it. what do you really want, so badly. and what if there are a million and one obstacles stacked right in front of you.

you go get it.

and i dont know if its the exhiliration i just had from the fireworks, or cause of the support ive been getting, or plainly because ive been a coward all this long pretending im getting over you. but my feelings for you are something i should be proud of, not something to be stowed away in a dusty old cupboard for no one to see. how much i adore you should be in full view for everyone to see, and thats way its gonna be.
to everyone who cares about me with all your hearts, haha im sorry to disappoint you once again. but if everytime i wanted something in life, and there were tremendous odds against me, and i backed down each and every time, then where would that ever leave me in life?

i still love you. and when the day comes that i finally dont anymore, i can safely tell you so. but i cant do that right now for that would mean living a lie. for that would mean giving up on a dream.

and believe me, ive given up on one too many dreams to let this one pass me by.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
11:55 PM

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

last night was crazy. had to go to the city to watch football cause my place doesnt have foxtel. so at around 10something, i left and took a tram down to city.took me around 45 mins so then went to find wei an and we went for coffee. came back, i went to kacheow the cmc people for awhile, before weian called and then we went to nick and ian's place. nick, san, and munhong went to sleep while i was listening to wei an and ian talk about their lodging haha. so then after much stoning, we went one round of poker. an was crazy cause he's the kinda player who will just bid as big as possible and follow when you raise. so haha we played $40 each and i won everything so that's $80 in total. so i minus off $40 from the money i owe an, while ian gave me $40 but then i spent $32 on it on taxi home this morning so bleah.

we watched chelsea-barcelona at 630. its the kinda match you wont believe the score unless you're actually watching it. and even though i was actually watching it i couldnt believe my eyes. chelsea up 3-0 in 19 minutes. not many teams can even put 3 past barcelona, despite their rather suspect defence. and then it seems so certain chelsea would have no problems, but ronaldinho had other ideas and scored a penalty and an absolute gem to make it 3-2 and 4-4 on aggregate. and then the second half had less goals, equal excitement, stupid john terry had to score a winner for chelsea.

i dont like barcelona and i certainly dont like chelsea, but i really wanted barcelona to win cause of how smug mourinho is. he thinks he's the best manager in the world, and i seriously think he has a long way to go. if not with regards to talent, then definitely with regards to humility and sportsmanship. i used to dont mind chelsea, but he's turned them to arrogant prats, just like he is. so yeah really wanted barca to whip their asses just to show them.
plus united lost :( my life is falling apart hahah.

last day of the week tomorrow yay! gonna catch up on sleep and definitely do alot of work on friday cause i got damn alot of readings to catch up on.

day10 and counting. i think i'm coping just fine. but the dreams havent stopped. just had one earlier but it had a pretty amusing scene in that one. i never knew it was so magnanimous and decent. adam did something damn typical of him in that dream. haha.

close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
the worries are washed out to sea
see the changes, people's faces blurred out
like sunspots or raindrops

now all those feelings
those yesterday feelings will be lost in time
but today ive wasted away
for today is on my mind

cause feelings mean nothing.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
3:17 PM

Monday, March 07, 2005

i've got a new housemate and he really puts the icing on the cake for this dysfunctional house of three. the two of them are so erm unique that i think their dysfunctionality is rubbing off on me. picture this. Jones is tall, skinny, with straight f4-like hair. Kenny is rather short, fat, with greasy curly mafia like hair. and somewhere in the middle is me. and the two of them have hit it off cause we'll they're both indo. and so that leaves me feeling rather left out and out of place. they spend almost every minute of the day in each other's rooms, and they cook dinner and eat together. methinks they are slightly gay, seriously.

school again tomorrow, cant wait. waking up is a real pain in the ass, but once im up and about, it actually feels quite good going to school as a university student. puts everything into the big picture really. although i'm pretty left out in all my classes cause i'm the token young asian guy, i pretty much enjoy the classes as long as i dont have to interact much with my classmates.

and then spending time alone by myself is pretty good too. it really makes me think like about myself and what im doing with my life. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, but gets everything into perspective really. like when i'm doing my groceries alone and like i'm just walking around and looking around and seeing people carry out their activities. once in awhile, something you see can impact you.
like im a 17 year old foreign student doing groceries so that ive got something to eat for the next week. but look around, and there's a 65 year old woman doing her groceries, and she's probably buying food for her husband and herself, just to two of them in their own quiet recluse somewhere by the countryside. and then maybe there's a 35 year old woman who's buying a truckload of food, in a hurry cause she just finished work, has to get groceries for her whole family of 5, and is rushing off before her kids get hungry.
so yeah its just interesting to see how everyone is doing the same thing, but all have a different story. it works for everything in life really.

so it helps with misunderstandings. before you judge someone, put yourself in their shoes. and see whether you might have done the same mistake. forgive and forget, that's the way to live.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:40 PM

the words to this song only hit me just now. but they've meant alot for so long already.

along she came, with her picture
put it in a frame, so i wont miss her
got on a plane, from London Heathrow
seems such a shame

i feel her slipping through my fingers
now she's gone, i'm sleeping with the lights on
and sharks swim through my veins now thats shes gone
im sleeping with the lights on

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
7:14 PM

Sunday, March 06, 2005

so yesterday's miserable weather made me decide not to go down to the city. but then after the rain and hale cleared up, eventually i made my way to the city being picked up by a cab. sorry claire i cancelled out on you, i promise next week we'll definitely get to eat!

so spent time with an in the end yesterday. we went to charcoal steak house to eat, mouthwatering indeed. then erm we just chilled the night away. we watched "road trip", "harold and kumar" and "i-robot". i really think i-robot is a brilliant show. 99% of shows about this kinda futuristic concept often fall flat on their face and suck really badly, i-robot was really a good movie. then we shared a 6pack of heineken and i bought a small bottle of jim beam but we didnt touch it so now its at home with me in burwood to accompany me when im lonely.

and while stoning in the wee hours of this morning ie 500-745am, i was bored and so i watched episode 5-7 of the OC season2 and weian's comp. you know what? everyone says its so good? WELL I THINK ITS DAMN GOOD TOO!!!!! i am officially ADDICTED to THE OC!!! and its not just cause of marisa and summer and alex.

i think i really like it cause to a person like me, its the ideal life. its like a dream to have such a dysfunctional yet perfect surrounding, and such a picturesque setting. and like when you're down in love, watching the OC just makes you wanna believe in love again. and it makes you just think somewhere out there love exists for you.

and like it doesnt matter what your past is, or like what everybody makes you out to be like ryan. and it doesnt matter if you're a "good guy" and you dont think you're exciting enough like seth. cause really you just gotta be yourself. and you gotta listen to yourself. dont listen to what people say, dont listen to what people think. do what YOU think. cause its your life, not theirs.
and maybe i'll end up falling for the studious girl i never noticed, or i try to impress a really tough chick and get caught by the police. but i mean, it doesnt matter. its my life to live.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
9:25 PM

Friday, March 04, 2005

today was a pleasant day. managed curb my desire to go to town so that it wont be a habit. but im going tomorrow, so maybe i am making it a habit.

left my place today around 4 plus to go to macs to get my first meal of the day but i kinda got detoured and i ended up walking around and coming to a stop at some thai eatery, which kinda looked run down and poorly maintained but i still went in. ordered green chicken curry and a big bowl of coconut rice and promptly devoured it when it came, partly because i was famished, and also because i realised halfway while eating that this was the first time im eating rice since i got here 3 weeks ago.

after that i walked around as it was only 530 to explore. found IGA grocer so yup somewhere to get my groceries next time. promptly went around to get my stuff: bread, milk, yoghurt, juice etc. then....

when i was walking past the delicatessen section, the girl at the counter smiled at me! haha and i tell you she was damn cute lar! so i smiled back but then i shy shy you knoe haha so i walked past and went to look at chicken and beef. haha erm yar then an image in my mind appeared that you know in ALL THE MOVIES, when the guy is in this kinda situation he will create opportunity for himself! so then i put some meat in my basket and then i went to the delicatessen section and i went up to her and said

"can i have some ham?"

shit. that has the stupidest thing to say! yar then she was showing me 3 different kinds of ham. then i also blur blur so i anyhow point to one. then she asked me how much i want, and i dont knoe how to roughly say how many grams, so i said "10 slices!!". wah sound stupider by the minute. haha but yar it was all good cause when she passed me the ham i said "thankyou" and she said "SEE YOU!" haha.

so then on the way back walking home i was thinking maybe she left her number inside the package of ham!! so i rushed home but sadly she didnt : (
nevermind i shall go again next week around 5 plus again, and maybe this time i'll say something smarter or wittier or cheekier than "can i have some ham".

recently recorded a few new songs on my portable and recorder and uploaded it onto my comp. and the best 3 sound pretty good. haha yup so im gonna burn a few cds and maybe give it to some people, few of them have requested last time so yup, my sample cd haha.

okie im off now, bathe and then maybe dream about the delicatessen girl. gabriel out!

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
11:09 PM

Thursday, March 03, 2005

still the same old story
tears and morning glory

school was erm non-exsistent. woke up late and missed both lectures. so much for being the new and improved gab. walked all the way to school only to find out that psychtute only starts next week. so decided to buy my textbooks, and the deakinuni bookshop is one of the most disorganised places ever. it was like a mini-treasurehunt for me. eventually i got almost all my books, and queued for at least 20mins in the never-ending queue with a hefty gigantic load of books. and my books costs around $370plus, including 40cents for 2 carrier bags. do they expect to carry my books back by hand? and they still charged me aargh.

came home and stoned and cooked and went online and chatted. chatting with people cheers me up. as long as i have a routine to follow, my mind is occupied and everything is alright. nina and i were coming up with a list for "10 thing leeren does to chase a woman out of bed". heh yeah.
one lecture tomorrow at 3pm so i'll probably make an extra concerted effort to attend it.

this verse from busted's "loner in love" is really funny and it made me laugh.

the next day i ran into your current boyfriend
told him what we did last night
before my story had even got to the end
he challenged me to a fight
i ran in slow motion away from him
but he caught up with me and kicked my teeth in
now i got no chance cause i cant even grin
no nothing's changing

even when i set my mind to do it, things can find a way at getting back at me. i dreamt of you last night, and it was a very nice dream, that was the worst thing. i dreamt that mich's elder sister(??!!!?) said something accidentally and it made you upset, and you started crying, and you broke down in my arms. that must be pretty nice, being your pillar of support. what the hell is wrong with me.

dont think i wanna know you
im tired of running after you
wont send a sorry card
cause i dont need you
giving up and i'll never reminisce
i'll find a way for getting over this
i'll let go in everyway
cause i dont need you

dont think i wanna know
i gotta go, before i go crazy
let go in everyway
cause anyway, i know that you hate me

-cantbreakthru/busted

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
12:10 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

thanks eric, thanks claire for checking up on me.
thanks nina for messaging me online and the blog entry. sorry i didnt reply.
thanks chuin for the sms from all the way from back home.

two classes today, both 1 hour 50 mins long, which kinda amounts to 110 mins, which is very very long to sit in class indeed.
first class was professional writing which was pretty boring and i had difficulty dragging myself out for it. but i liked it cause its something i really enjoy. writing and stuff, creating characters, non-fiction, that kinda stuff. was stumped when all the people in my class were talking about their favourite authors, anne rice and stuff, and all i could think of was jk rowling. well i didnt wanna sound like a himbo on my first day of class so i said i didnt have a favourite writer.
second class was film and video, which was pretty happening. we learnt how to operate a bolex camera, which was from the 50s, the 60s and the 70s. talk about ancient gadgets. and for a video camera from more than 30 years ago, these gadgets were pretty darn hard to figure out how to use. and then we spent the last 20 mins or so learning how to open the tripod, haha which was a pretty waste of time. but it was really fun, really really fun. practical stuff, hands on, and like its based more on your own work and creations rather than plainly mugging your guts out over a science textbook.

i thank God for putting me in a course which i totally adore. i thank Him for not making me study hard enough for vet science cause i never would have survived it there. and i also thank Him for putting me in deakin uni. regardless or whether or not i get my transfer to melbourne uni in due time, it doesnt matter. i can really see myself building my future this time round.

psychology tomorrow. psychlect, media&commlect, psych tute, and then the week's almost over, cause i only have one class on thursday and none on friday. its only the second day of lessons but yeah, i can see myself not screwing up this time around.

~~lights off, pyjamas on~~
11:16 PM