Monday, November 29, 2004

mr kenneth neo, aka God Of Flirt, officially wins friend of the day. we were walking and i said i was hungry and he gave me 2 tau sar piah from the box that his grandma had brought him. damn nice la, i wonder if i would be so generous in such circumstances. i mean its something someone brought all the way from home, and its not like there was alot of it. thanks kenneth, i really appreciate it :)

and so passes another boring day of the post exam period. watched spiderman1 and bring it on today. makes that 11 movies in 4 days. slept only at 6am on sunday morning, so yeah resulted in me only waking up at 6 in the evening. went for dinner with mum and pa at lygon, charcoal steak grill. haha i bet lee is jealous la. thats one of our favourite places to it, if only it wasnt so expensive. then lee wont have to wait for his brother to visit him to eat it so he wont have to foot the bill. haha only joking lee :P

started packing my room already. my 3 posters taken down and now it all seems so empty. no more zidane,raul,beckham, simpsons or nemo the accompany me. probably moving out tomorrow nite to stay at my parents' hotel. they got a spare room so yeah. maybe i should make use of the nice bathtub. took a huge box of worksheets and notes and papers and went down to a carpark at bouverie street to burn it all with my cooking oil. jo-anne and kenneth followed me and i must admit i looked quite stupid at the start when the paper couldnt burn. and then i put oil on it and i didnt dare light it cos i was damn scared it might suddenly ignite. but in the end it caught fire really nicely and honestly, the warmth radiated from our lil 'campfire' was really nice. pretty cool like it was just a time of reflection of this year, with all of this year's notes burning in the fire, and just watching the flames dance.

but packing was really sad. cos of the stupid music again! 'dont go away' by oasis, 'goodbye' by spice girls playing in the background. i tell you i was close to crying. and then before u throw away all those papers you check to see if they're any important rite? so you go through every piece and theres always like a little note at the corner saying "study hard u can do it!" or something like that, and its just brings you back to the time when it was written, and all the memories come flooding back.

so my room is damn messy now, but with good reason for the first time. cos im clearing everything. and theres a dilemma. like you know when you wanna forget someone, you clear everything that is associated with them. but then if you do so, you wont be left with the memories except for those in your mind. so yeah, its a tough one. but i figured keeping them is the best, cos no matter the circumstances, one shouldnt try to erase anyone from their memory. cause erasing someone would erase part of the memories as well. wei an told me the story of "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" was something like that. maybe i should watch that sometime.

anyway you made my day today by smsing during dinner. yeah its been a difficult journey this year, but im glad you were part of it. every moment i shared with you was like a dream. youve been the real blessing, just wanted you to know. and you've made me someone i never thought possible. and you've taught me a valuable lesson in learning to let go. if its meant to be yours, it will be yours eventually. and i cant wait to see if that happens. haha im tempting fate a lil here but ohwells, dont worry its all cool right now. i'll always be there for you, in times when maybe youre not feeling too good. i'll always try to turn the world back the right way round for you. and i cant promise i'll succeed, but you knoe i'll try. i'll always be the one to smile when youre happy. i'll always be the one you can depend on, i promise.

i'll always be your friend :)

"im falling into memories of you
and things we used to do
follow me there
a beautiful somewhere
a place where we can share
falling into memories of you and things we used to do"
-one year six months/yellow card

truly, im falling into memories of you and things we used to do. things we did just the two of us, only two people have access to those memories.

me and you.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

so the exams are over, and these few days have been plain boring. its only after the exams you realise how boring it can get, and its only at the end of the year you realise how fast a year has past.

also, its only when the going gets tough you see the ugly side of people. but really it cant be blamed cos everyone has that tendency to avoid responsibilties when something has to be done. and you do forgive people for that. cause at the end its human nature, and they're really nice normally :)

so basically most of my time has been spent vcd/dvd watching. i have watched 9 movies in 3 nights.
-lizzie mcguire movie(im gonna marry hilary duff)
-harold and kumar go to whitecastles(best comedy of the year)
-xmen 2
-love actually
-2fast2furious
-monsters inc.
-finding nemo
-not another teen movie
-bend it like beckham

haha yup and its still a long way more before i go home so i guess that means more borrowing and watching. i think im gonna watch pirates of the carribean and spiderman next. really quoteworthy phrases in spiderman. and all the shows had quotable quotes but with so much movie watching, i cant remember a single saying.

yeah but honestly i cant wait to go home. its been such a long year, one full of goods and bads. but like i said before, life isnt complete without the ups and downs so we just gotta accept it all. and im glad for the negative aspects this year, cos they all happen for a reason and im sure its all for good cause.

id say this year has been a fruitful one. going overseas really changed me. i dont think i can say ive grown up cos im still that bit immature, but well, i think from a different perspective perhaps. ive accepted that sometimes things dont always have to go your way. its abit of give and take really, like karma. you really only get what you give. if you be a real jerk to a girl, some chick you like's gonna break your heart. if you backstab a friend, its only gonna happen to you. thats the way live works really, so accept it.
and theres never a possibility that the whole world's gonna like you. there will always be someone you dont see eye to eye with, someone who just dont like you for who you are. and you gotta learn take that with a pinch of salt really. cos for everyone one person who doesnt like you, there's a hundred more who do. always remember that.

and so i think back and reflect what ive done this year that made me proud, and what ive done this year that makes me wanna turn back time. i wish i hadnt skipped so many classes, and i wish i had bothered to go for lectures. cos if i did, im damn sure my exams would have been a breeze compared to the nightmare they were. but then again, im glad i didnt sit down and be content with being the drummer in some horrible band, but i went out to find my own band. and look what i found? i found greenlight! and yeah, i suppose i shouldnt really have trusted so many people and made so many friends i assumed would be there for me? but still, if i hadnt made those 10 fake friends, i wouldnt have made those 5 people i can count on. its all abit of trial and error really.

and i honestly daresay this year has been an emotional rollercoaster. not that i wanna sound like some preteen emotional basketcase, but this year was really topsy turvy. haha but really, its all physics. you have to be go up to fall, so really, if there were any bad times, there must have at least been some good memories before that. but yeah, the higher you rise, the harder you fall. so always keep your head and your heart firmly on the ground. that way, you wont hurt that hard when it all comes falling down.

what i loved most this year was the conversations i had. cos conversations is a very useful way to exercise your mind, and your opinion can go a long way to impacting a person. i will never forget randy saying judging a person just because he smokes is 'stupid'. he didnt use any descriptions like "really" or "incredibly". he simply called it "stupid" and i couldnt agree less. i started smoking this year. does that mean because i have carbon monoxide in my lungs now, my personality's different than it was in sec4? seriously, you have fuck shit for a brain if you think that way. cos randy's right, and i feel especially opinionated towards this notion, plainly for the fact my parents have the same screwed up thinking. they've known me all my life, and they think im a bad guy now, just cos i put a cigarette in my mouth ever so often. how bloody closeminded can you get! you sound like youre from the 12th century. if everyone deems people who talk really loud in public as bad influences, would that make you a bad person? would that change the fact youre a really good friend, you study hard for your exams, and that you have the kindest heart in the world? just because you talk really loudly and people stereotype that as 'wrong'? no it wont. you still are who you are. so shut the hell up and please take a leap forward, away from homo erectus time.

and that conversation with randy-boy is just one of many. countless times ive had an awfully good time chatting with lee or weian. just cause it involves exchange of opinion, inclusive of debate and view from a different perspective. and if you ever have conflict with anyone, put yourself in their shoes and take a view from their perspective, before judging them. i dont hate you anymore like i used to. i realised youre just really stupid when it comes to judging people, if you judge someone cause of something he does. but honestly, i dont hate you anymore. ive learn to accept that someday you'll learn and realise that you dont judge a person from his actions. just like i hope you dont hate me anymore. and that you'll realise im just really vulgar. and that one day i'll learn my lesson that i cant just call people really stupid and get away with it. so yeah, i think you're really stupid and narrow minded, but other than that, i think youre pretty bright in other aspects, and im almost certain if i was your friend, i'll realise you're quite a wonderful person. and i hope im forgiven.

so really, next time u get angry at someone, wear their shoes for a wee while, and maybe realise its not their fault. maybe you're at fault. maybe they just havent learnt yet.

and the best moment of my trinity life was when someone told me ive been a blessing.
but you knoe what? she blessed me first :D

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

i like what farrell said on one of my testimonials. "a dream may just be a dream, but it costs us nothing".

and yeah honestly, i may be a dreamer. but yeah it doesnt cost me anything, so why not dream and be happy while you're immersed in your dreams?

so in my ideal world, i'd be either playing professional soccer for man u, or playing music for a living. i'll have money and i have a nice big house so i can put all my family inside. i'd have my recording studio where greenlight can record all our songs in. i'll have all the guitars i one, including the one the allamericanrejects singer plays, as well as that 12-string classical i saw at allan's music. i'll have a big garden, with a soccer field, tennis courts, and a swimming pool.
i'll have my family all stay in my house. i'll make it extra big with different wings so it doesnt feel as though we're living in the same house, but as though we're neighbours so like that, it wont get too close for comfort and we wont get sick of each other. haha i'll have dan stay as near to me as possible cos he's my bestest friend in the world. i'll have two dogs and i'll have the time to play with them everyday.
in my part of the house, i'd cook dinner everyday. occasionally i'd bring the missus and the kids out for a nice dinner. sometimes the mates will come over for a drink and chat. if we're up to it, a few games of mahjong i suppose. i'll have this really nice toilet that eric and owen can both puke in when they both get drunk. i'll have a kickass guest room that my friends can stay in when they fly from overseas, ie all the lovely people from other countries that ive met from trinity.
i'll have a nice music room, with all kinds of records. classic records of beatles for my dad. loud amps for my noisy music. and stuff for the hiphop/rnb for dan, or when the guys wanna listen to some party music. big screen tv, nice lounge chairs. i forgot to say my kitchen is gonna be so cool. nice fridge, stove tops, ovens, neat cutlery and pretty crockery. the pantry equipped with every snack possible.
my house will have a nice patio in case i dont wanna walk in the garden but still wanna enjoy the scenery with weian for a smoke.
haha nice carpark with all kinds of cool cars, and even more space for my friends cool cars. taxi stand outside my house in case i dont feel like driving and those who knoe me knoe i dont take the bus haha.
oh yes i forgot to mention many many nice flowers and plants in the garden as well as a pond cos mum loves gardening. and a nice study to do jigsaws cos my grandma loves making jigsaws and im pretty darn sure she'll be there to teach my kids how to make their first jigsaw puzzle.
haha and so finally on to my room. a nice bed cause i sleep hell lot(imran and the guys should knoe, im always late for practice). a nice bathroom cause i shit and bathe hell lot(haha). but whats a nice house gonna be filled with, if its not filled with love from a family. so yeah of cos i'll be married to you and we'd have 3 kids. and they'll all be beautiful like you. and we'll have a balcony on our room to watch the sunrise/sunset depending which side of the world our balcony is facing. haha preferably the sunrise la. im more a sunrise person. before we go to bed everynight, we'd tuck our kids into bed and take turns to read them bedtime stories. and then when they're all safely asleep, we ourselves will fall asleep to the sounds of pachelbel's canon playing in the room.

*poof*

yeah so that was just another one of those dreams. but hey.. it didnt cost me anything :)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

yeah so really, simple is always good. yeah people go about how this really big thing that happened to them made their day. like it was a really significant landmark which resulted in them being a good mood.

shoot me, but i get happy from the really little things.

i just had breakfast with lee, at the wee hours of 645am. it was just a simple breakfast, frenchtoast, bakedbeans, a cup of mocha and a glass of pineapple juice. can you get abreakfast like that anywhere in the world? i bet you could. can u get the company of a really good friend to spend breakfast with? i daresay you might not.

so really, even though in less that 2 hours time, i'll be taking a chem paper, which im almost certain i will walk out early off, and very certain i will fail, it doesnt matter really. cause its what matters to you that counts. and qualifications and paperwork come and go. but spending my last few days in melbourne with a friend who was there from the start has so much greater meaning, despite being so much simpler.

cause i, i wont worry my life away.

Monday, November 22, 2004

today was sweet :)

woke up pretty late, got my ass over to adel and amelia's place to study maths. did abit of work, taught them stuff they didnt knoe. they had dinner which amelia's mum cooked so kevintan and i went down for awhile, ran into nina, sarah and joanne at cafe crema. went back to jo's place to watch the final of australian idol.

had dinner with celene and her brother and her sister and notturnos, before her bro drove us to crown before dropping the 3 of us off. haha his car is super duper damn cool. 2 seater convertible with GPS and all that schnazzy gadgets. i really liked it and he went really fast and i was in the front seat. zoooooooooooooooooooooom! haha it was nice really.
went to greco's for dessert but i just had coffee while cel and her sis had cake and fruits. haha their bickering was rather amusing. they gave me a lift back to arrow where i continued studying maths with kevintan until 345am. we both couldnt stop laughing cos we were really going mad, so we decided to head back.

and so here i am now. why was today sweet? yeah i knoe it sounds like such a simple day. but simple can be good. and simple can be sweet.

really sweet.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

haha saved.

well its meant to be 17 hours more but guess what? change of plan, i love surprises. i stopped waiting since erm 10 hours ago? haha but i havent actually seen her yet but just the though that shes already here is fantastic enough. ahh i must get my ass down to studying so that i can still do well for exams despite the distraction, haha which isnt a distraction.

last night was good. jamming with imran and clement before getting the message that said her flight details had changed and she was waiting to board the aeroplane. i couldnt really concentrate much after that la. yesterday's paper was good. i think i was the earliest guy to come up who had actually put in effort in the paper. haha but then again, its a meaningless paper:english.

the weather's really nice today. is it just me or is the sun shining extra brightly? maybe its just me? but then again, dont trust my judgement. its abit over-positive cause ive just been saved :)

Thursday, November 18, 2004

so really, only idiots like me find so much time to blog during the exams instead of doing maths or chem but nah today i really wanted to say this. its damn important i just wanted to say it out.

today jason mraz taught me something. and i share part of it with nina. but i wanna share it with everyone really. he taught me what the remedy was.

that really, life is made up of countless experiences, positive and negative. and really, sure you get some horrible experiences, but thats just one of those things you have to go through. hey, its just another thing in life, and the only way to get better is to live through it. thats the only cure to it. the keep going, living life as per normal.

and like its not just the minor things in life. it goes out to the major things like wars and how our world is in such a shaky and volatile state. but the only way to show the villians whos in charge is to not get affected by it. take it or leave it thats the attitude of today's world where they think violence can solve everything. and the only way to beat it is to keep living life.

and so, the remedy is the experience of life. theres the good, and theres the bad, and than theres the ugly. but would life be complete if anyone one of this were missing? would life be life without the good? without the bad? without the ugly? nope. it wont be life then. and if we wanna live life, we gotta learn to live through the whole package, enjoy the good times, but tolerate the bad times.

never let one bad experience spoil the whole journey for you, because thats just one time out of a hundred, and theres so much more out there waiting for y ou. "the tragedy is how youre gonna spend the rest of your life with the lights on". that would be the greatest tragedy of all, to not dare take a chance on yourself again.

yeah some people they dont have shoes. some people lost both arms and a leg when a bomb exploded in their village. some people are born without a shelter over their heads. can u say you are that unfortunate? just cause youve been single all your life and you drive a lousy car?
yeah so what you know if you walk to school everyday and u eat lunch you mum packed for you? it doesnt matter really cause all in all, you still can smile and be beautiful.

i will never forget that theres always another green light.
and i will never forget

the remedy is the experience



ok dropping a message here. you know who you are i just gotta give a reply and since it would have been funny to do it on ur tagboard, i guess i'll write it here.

im sorry for things ive did, and words ive said. but sometimes emotions get the better of us. and i do wanna apologise sincerely. i wish Socrates was right and that its impossible to do wrong knowingly. but that old greek guy is wrong. there are times we actually do wrongdoings and know that we do it. and i dont knoe what i can say to erm sound sincere enough? i mean cause these are just silly words really. but yeah im sorry and im happy for you really. you know what? i think youre a swell guy. i'll be honest. and i wanna apologise for never being able to keep my emotions in check. thanks for all the stuff you said bout me on your blog. it'll be cool to get to know you honestly. ok im seriously rambling. i keep repeating the fact that im sorry, but i really am. haha im not good at public apologies really, never done much of it.
but once again, thanks for taking the time to drop me a message. haha its quite amazing how God works really with you leaving a message for me on your blog even though you wouldnt know i read it. haha yeah thats cool really. i gotta say i have alot of respect for you. sincerely. honestly.
well im off now, stupid HOI exam and i havent even revised. thanks once again, maybe i'll hear from you or something.

-gab



alrite well i got a new link on my blog which is photos so yeah check it out in the sidebar on the right.

so its 422am melbourne time now and im still stuck here trying to remember my HOI stuff for today's exam. and i have come up with a revolutionary way of remembering my facts. i shall teach them to you!

Socrates continued the tradition of reason which was firstly inititiated by the cosmologists. he felt than knowledge on an individual and the society was more than nature. he endeavoured to improve the individual through education and held that people should regulate behaviour in accordance with universal values. he claimed to Sophists failed when they taught the ambitious to suceed in politics because it neglected instructions in the art of living.
Socrates' central concern was perfection of individual human character, which were simply moral values attained when an individual regulated his life according to objective standards arrived through rational reflection. Socrates believed education meant shaping the character according to values discovered through the active use of REASON.
Socrates always stressed the importance on REASON. xan claims Socrates would have liked hoobastank. he wanted to subject human beliefs and behaviour to reason, meaning he believed reason was the only proper guide to the ultimate problem of mankind: the question of good and evil. rational inquiry, which is simply a questioning mind, allowed one to tests opinions, weight merits of ideas and alter beliefs on the basis of knowledge.
Socrates felt that since people were rational, they could reason for themselves, and therefore one of his main statements ever was that "no man does wrong knowingly. which means the only reason why people commit crimes and stuff like that is because they are ignorant of the fact they are doing something unacceptable.
his fundamental premise was that wrong thinking led to wrongdoing. however critics strongly argued socrates underestimated the immense power on instinct of passion, which drive even the most learned people to do wrong.
Socrates talked about dialectics, which is logical discussion, which he felt was the essential source of knowledge. only by making people actively participate in acquiring ideas did they gain knowledge.
the highest form of excellence was to control one's life and shape it according to ethical values. the ESSENCE of socrates is that a good and moral life is attained by the exercise of reason and development of intelligence.
this affects us today as it has impacted the world even 2000 years on. nowadays, we are challenged to reason our thoughts, as shown by a large emphasis in the schools who place a huge importance on the reasoning behind the answer obtained, and not the actual answer itself.
however, Socrates thought too highly of people's morals as it is evident in today's society people commit wrongdoings despite thinking right. and it IS possible to commit wrong knowingly.

the judaeo-christain tradition emphasized one three key principles which are still evident today. Egalitarianism is the belief that all humans are fundamentally equal and are therefore entitled to equal rights and treatment in society, regardless of age or socio-economic status.
this impacted the earlier centuries as it severely limited slavery. instead of objects, they were to be treated as fellow humans with rights. slaves were to be released on the 7th year of their service and to be given presents. moreover, an escaped slave was to be protected.
we can see how this relates to our society today as there is a huge emphasis on equality nowadays, especially in many multi-racial societys, where everyone is equal regardless of race, language or religion.(haha i hope the aussie lecturers havent heard the singapore pledge before)moreover, slavery is unacceptable in today's context and even servants and maids are treated as humans, with proper living conditions.
another example of egalitarianism still in the world today is the ancient jubilee year which occurred every 50 years. all property was to be returned to their original owners, and slaves were returned to their families.
in today's context, the Jubilee Drop The Debt Movement is an international coalition which seeks the cancellation on unpayable debt of the world's poorest countries. this movement is based on the biblical principle of the jubilee year whch sees property restored to the poor, interests on loans bannedm and profitting from poor forbidden. therefore, this is an important example of the continuing power of the judaeo-christian tradition today.
the second key principle is monotheism, which is the worship of one God, rather than many.
this has carried on in today's world as many major religions in the world today, including of course christianity and islam, believe in one God only.
the third key principle is patriarchy, which is the belief of male dominance over women. this is largely derived from the biblical story of adam and eve where the woman was responsible for the sin which angered God and they were therefore considered weaker and more sinful.(although Dan Brown might have something to say about that)
this is still evident in many developing countries where the role of the women are played down to a very minor one. they are largely responsible for the house matters, while the males are the more dominant ones. however in most modern societies, this is one principle which has largely been abolished as going hand in hand with egalitarianism, women are now being treated equal with men.

The Roman Period(c. 500BC - AD500)
the main idea was liberty and the rule of the law. rome was influenced by greek ideas, especially stoic philosophy which didnt give a place for emotions, which were deemed as distractions, and that man had a duty to serve his country.
the first peiod was the roman republic(c.500BC - 27BC) where the nobility was the governing class, who had superior merit. however, the late republic which started in 133BC was plunged into instability and civil war which lasted for a century. prominent romans struggled for supremacy and the long-lasting republican system of government broke down. caesar won but was killed but was duly suceeded by Octavian.
this signalled the start of the roman empire(27BC - AD500) as octavian was the first emperor. he placed himself above the law, thus destroying liberty. the emperor was the monarch, and it led to pagan religion, where the emperor was worshipped as God.
Christianity begins with Jesus Christ and his message of salvation. to argue with the jewish old testament which promised salvation for "the chosen people" meaning the jews, the christian new testament promised salvation for all people. there was much stress on monotheism and morality, which was a universal code for good and evil.
early christianity was declared illegal and the christians who refused t o worship the roman emperor wre persecuted as "people who hate the world". however, there is a huge emphasis on faith as summed up by Tertullian(dont ask me who the hell he is) who said "i believe because it is absurd". in AD312, christianity was finally legalised after the conversion of emperor constantine and in AD 325 was defined as catholic.
the catholic church was based on the structure and hierarchy of the Roman Empire. the head is the Pope who claims he derives his legitimacy from St Peter himself. the emphasis is on the role of the pope and priest, and the obedience of the people to authority of God's Law, God's commandments, and God's representatives.

The Medieval Period (c. AD500 - 1400)-the middle ages
it was based on the primacy of religious beliefs rather than argument and evidence, which was a far cry from Socrates' "the reason". they claimed there was only one path to the truth and that was the bible.
the catholic church was all powerful and were intolerant of different views, which were described as heretical and incorrect.
the people were a flock of sinner needing guidance, and during this period, the emphasis was placed on groups rather than individuals, which once again was very different from the Greek period of socrates.
much of the world was rejected as sinful and Greek and roman ideas were rejected as Pagan philosophy and society.
monasteries establised with different oreder(eg benedictine; dominican) and the monks rejected the world and isolated themselves. their job was to pray for the many sins of the world. there was a control of learning, which was known as directed learning.
economic stagnation was at its prime due to the belief that money was immoral.
there was limited philosophy in the 1300s which brought up scholasticism. medieval theologian-philosophers fashioned christain teachings into and all embracing philosophy, which represented spiritual character of medieval civilisation.
the hierarchy of society was in the order of kings, nobles/priests, peasants. the mass population was of course the peasants who lived off growing their own crops-agriculture. there was a feudal system present in which the peasants served the nobles and provided them with food and their necessities. in exchange, the nobles, who were capable of fighting provided protection for the peasants.

alrite im done. that was quite long. hope i can do it again tomorrow. gabriel out!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

im am drained. i am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. didnt sleep for 21 hours until 2pm today, then slept till around 7 in the evening, and now im gonna have to study for HOI. shit man i really feel like just sleeping and waking up for tomorrow's paper and hoping answers will just pop into my head. but they wont. so i gotta think of a plan so that i get rest, yet study.

today's lit was alright but i was seriously struggling due to the lack of sleep. it was tormenting really. i just hope all this will be worth it in the end.

they walk past you without a hint of emotion in their eye. dont they feel guilt? dont they feel remorse? the answer is: no they dont. cause they enjoy doing such things. they thrive on guys giving them undivided and unwavering attention so that they can feel secure and good about themselves. i tell you what, you couldnt even smile at me today when you walked past me? you couldnt even bring yourself to look at me. am i that despiseful to you? yeah i know im not tall and dark and handsome, and i knoe i dont have muscles only a kickass swimmer will have. but surely you could have found the heart to look at me? no? you couldnt even say hi, let alone apologise.

i hate wronging people really. you think that they're really sweet and demure and the best thing God could have ever placed on our little earth. but then you're wrong. they live in their own little world and they keep tight in a little bunch of themselves who all think they're the queens of the world. haha the ironic thing is, they think others think themselves as all that, but they should really look at themselves first. i heard the place they stayed it really sucks, but i had no idea the owner of the place couldnt afford mirrors.

haha enough enough gab.

three and a half more days = 84 hours = 5040 minutes = 302400 seconds
sounds alright but why is it when its something you want really badly, time seems to stand still. the minutes they turn into hours, and the hours they turn into days.

three and a half more days? i'll be waiting.
2 exams within three and a half days? haha come on, surely you can do better than that.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

studying last night was a major killer. kevintan and i decided to buy these caffeine pills and well they said not to consume it with caffeinated drinks but haha yeah, i drank mine with red bull. so after two pills, i wasnt awake, but on the contrary, i was high. well we did manage to study till 3 plus but nah, im not gonna take the risk again tonight considering i only managed to sleep at 5 this morning and my lit paper is tomorrow.

so like sarah said, the sprint to the finish is here. and just like every marathon, this year has been long and arduous. but if there's anytime to give it your last burst of energy, its always at the final lap. i mean there's no point making it so far and saying you've had enough. just run your legs into the ground. even if no one's gonna be proud of me, im gonnabe proud of myself.

so another herculean attempt at lit tonight i suppose, havent started really. not one bit. so yeah tonight is really do or die. not like i havent done a last minute lit essay plan before haha. last term i changed the question i was doing at 4am on the mornin of the paper. much to the amazement of lee, i got like 15/20 or something haha.

so yes, it has come to the final lit battle of the saga. during the first fight, i had to ward off the advances of the dangerous and elusive 'poison tree'. in the second term, i had to traverse a harsh terrain of 'earth and ashes' before i made battle with 'the intepreter of maladies'. last term was a monumental battle. in the sweltering heat of the australian 'bush', i battled with 'frankenstein's monster' and came out tops again. this time, only the scheming iago and the stupid brainless othello stand in my way. sweet desdemona, dont fret! you will be saved soon. haha yes i know that was really dumb. sorry but i had to save myself from boredom. that was my little epic 'lit wars'.

i think sometimes even if something bad happens to you, its still God's doing. all good things come from God as rewards. and all bad things come from God as tests. tests of our faith and belief. and its up to us to pass the test. and sometimes, the tests really seem like they cant be overcome. but they can. cause God knows our limits. and he wont set you a obstacle which he knows you cant overcome.

dan's right, everybody hurts. but some people hurt for a good reason. i think im one of those.

just 5 more days. 5 days = 120 hours = 7200 minutes = 432000 seconds. shit ok 432000 seconds sounds damn bloody long. i'll keep it as 120 hours. haha not that bad. I CANT WAIT.
honestly, bring a smile back to my face. put a little sunshine back into my life. drop a little love back in my heart. make me believe again. do whatever really. just let me see your smile. i think that'll make all the above happen.

5 more days? i can wait
3 papers within the next 5 days? fuck it. bring it on.

Monday, November 15, 2004

met up with chuin yesterday for dinner and coffee. was a good break from my books, so thanks chuin for the time and the company.

im tired of all the melbourne nonsense really. the shitty studies. the friends that i dont even knoe if they are really friends. the people who criticise you before they even know you.

honestly if you can forget the lunch we were meant to have, it just goes to show how important i am to you, how much i mean to you, and how much you actually care.

im counting down to the days when someone comes and brings me away from all this. believe me, im counting.

but before that, im gonna rip a song off someone's blog again, this time its yenteng's.

baby youre so beautiful
and when im near you i cant breathe
a girl like you gets what she wants
when she wants it
youre so out of my league
i show you no emotion
dont let you see what youre doing to me
i imagine the two of us together
but ive been leaving in reality

fear of rejection, kept my love inside
but time is running out, so damn my foolish pride

i dont care if you think that im crazy
it doesnt matter if it turns out bad
ive got no fear of losing you
you cant lose what you never had
now im gonna confess that i love you
ive been keeping it inside
feeling i could die
now if you turn away, baby thats ok
at least we'll have a moment before we say goodbye
you cant lose what you never had

rules are made for breaking
nothing ventured nothing gained
i'll be no worse off than i am right now
and i might never get the chance again baby

fear of rejection, kept my love inside
but time is running out, so damn my foolish pride

i dont care if you think im crazy
it doesnt matter if it turns out bad
ive got no fear of losing you
you cant lose what you never had
now im gonna confess that i love you
ive been keeping it inside
feeling i could die
now if you turn away, baby thats ok
at least we'll have a moment before you say goodbye

here on the outside looking in
dont wanna stay dreaming about what could have been
need to hear you speak my name
even if you shoot me down in flames

i dont care if you think im crazy
it doesnt matter if it turns out bad
ive got no fear of losing you
you cant lose what you never had
now im gonna confess that i love you
ive been keeping inside
feeling i could die
now if you turn away, baby thats ok
at least we'll have a moment before we say goodbye
you cant lose what you never had

there you go. ive finally said it. you know who you are. the one that forgot we were meant to have lunch yesterday. the one that has cancelled a thousand appointments with me. the one i still bring myself to talk to everytime. if you really wanna hear it, here goes.

i love you.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

dad's here. he arrived on saturday morning for some eye conference but he's off later this afternoon la. i thank God i cleaned up my room and fridge before he arrived or i fear he might have fainted and not be able to turn up for his conference. but overall, its been good having family around. talking to him about stuff and of course, having damn nice meals for free.
we went to southbank for dinner and had a great meal. but it was more of spending time la. like talking grown up stuff and mature conversations then the usual nonsense talk cock with my friends. just got back from vic mart where i had breakfast with him and im meeting him later for lunch before he goes off.

i really must motivate myself to study. and if i cant find any motivation, thats too bad. i still got to study. cos this is my last option and if i screw if up, i guess its the working world for me. so no more play, just work my ass for 2 weeks. just 2 weeks.

study study study. im going to be a study monster. im going show all you non-believers. im going to arts fact at melbourne uni next year. and then you people can kiss my ass. rah. study study study. RAH! and when im in arts fact and all u non-believers are in cempalang course im going to LAUGH at you. screw off u useless people.

haha sorry that was random. alot of pent-up angst i had to get rid off.

talking to rickyboy online now. eric! less that a month left and we'll be home. smile smile be happy. "want beef cheebai?" hahaha inside joke.

ok this last few weeks are weeks to look forward to. despite not being fully prepared, im looking forward to the exams. i just like taking exams cos they're like a test and i love tests and challenges. like when those non-believers say 'youre not gonna get her'. thats a test as well. i love tests. i hate non-believers. and then im looking forward to post exam period when my parents will be here to drive me around. and then of course after that, im looking forward to going home.

but most of all, before i go home, im looking forward to seeing you in melbourne, and bringing you around :)

Saturday, November 13, 2004

would u believe it i dreamt of her again. thats like the erm 4th time in dont-know how many days. its quite freaky really, and the best thing is they're all good dreams. this time we were at some holiday beach resort thing. haha alrite shant reveal my dreams too much cos they're personal and for me only.
but honestly, i cant wait for her to come. hopefully she'll make me forget all this crap and take me away from here. just like i've always wanted someone to.

and today while waiting for wei an to gamble finish, i was at yarra river enjoying the scenery and the weather and the sun rising and i had a good heart to heart with God. and i realised i actually know how he feels. to be loved but not loved in return. that always happens to me. and it occurred to me that He has always been loving me while i have not been loving Him. and i realise that since i know how painful it is, i shouldnt do it to God of all people. and im so thankful that despite me only turning to Him when im down and out, He never fails to listen every single time.

i never knew what love was, until You loved me

Thursday, November 11, 2004

so yeah, lately everyone's been blogging about how the one year at trinity has come to an end, and like its surreal and all. and its getting boring but haha its such a topic close to the heart that i probably have to talk about it.
so really, was reading sarah-IAN's blog just now, haha after she shamelessly advertised it to my face :P and yeah it was really sad stuff. she detailed every last week of the day of school and it was really sad knowing it'll never happen again.
here's what i'll miss from my weekly timetable.

mondays:
-waking up late cos of my free first two periods
-being greeted by jane, "how was your weekend??"(sarah and joanne will agree)
-walking over to swanston for maths tute with philip mannes
-actually studying the bugger slacking when he's meant to be teaching
-leaving 2 mins after arriving to study outside and still get my attendance marked PRESENT

tuesdays:
-waking up early to camp outside evan burge, even though im meant to be having lit lecture, to catch a glimpse of you
-in the case i dont wake up, having a good sleep in cause my second period is free
-in the case i do, going to have coffee during second period with whoever
-skipping chem lect during 3rd period to stone(or sometimes i'll still be sleeping haha)
-trekking all the way to bloody fsc for boring lit tute but at least rebecca my tutor flirts with me(haha according to sarah)
-giving clement funny eye-signals during lit tute
-camping outside fsc after lit tute for my weekly guaranteed does of you
-SOCCER(need i say more)

wednesday:
-waking up at 850, pulling on my jeans and still making it on time for 9am lab
-andrew, the ever-friendly bio prac demonstrator
-mei fong, the stern but amusing and ultimately kind-hearted chem prac demonstrator
-making a mess out of everything with kuni, my occasional lab partner from okinawa, japan
-prac finishing around 12 and me going home for my bath which i missed since i woke up at 850
-hoi tute with handsomejustin and princessjo after lunch which always is fun
-barlow, hoi tutor who is funny, ingenuine and all round lovely
-stoning after hoi with yons and dwin and seeing imran and many more
-skipping bio lect to study bio at swanston(defeats the purpose of skipping haha)

thursday:
-waking up to boring eap, but with a tutor like jane, its worth it
-leaving eap with a "have a great weekend!" from jane
-walking over to fsc with joanne and sarah(the fakey accent trio) to get my coffee and egg sandwich
-meeting ck and nina and adelene, and catching a glance of you
-making our way to evan burge to see lee and amelia and others
-talking with clement before he goes in for chem lect and i skip haha
-3rd period drama with danny, our drama teacher whos big and has a booming voice but is ever so sweet
(incidentally he asked me how my drama was yesterday and when i said 'great', he replied 'LIAR' haha)
-my eye candy in drama
-4th period chem tute with andrewKUEH and sarah
-never failing to make myself look like a dumb jock in chem tute
-one of my favourite tutors Dr siegbert nickel aka sieggy boy who when asked what hello was in german replied "Hallo" haha
-my eye candy in chem tute
-thursday is eye candy day

friday:
-going for maths lecture only on every last lecture of the term
-haha waking my ass up at 845 just cause i said i'll go maths lecture with you
-cursing and swearing after i realised i overslept when i said i'd go maths lecture with you
-free second period to just stone at swanston and wait for your class to be over so i can talk to you again
-3rd period bio tute with jo-anne->"The Things We Do In Bio" and all the other boring people except us and zack and sara
-madeline letting us off very early every week but pretending as though it hasnt happened before
-watching stupid videos, playing with stupid POPIT beads, doing stupid inheritance charts, and behaving like stupid fools :)
-hoi lecture which i hardly go for unless i suspect you go for
-friday is your day

so many things that i used to take for granted cause it was part of an everyday process, seemed so mundane in the past. but i'll never get to do it again cos its over. its all over. and the only things we have left are the memories to look back on.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

firstly, happy 17th to amelia koe suan lin. you still look 7 to me but well guess everyone but me has noticed that you're all grown up already. you'll still be cheeky monkey to me and thanks for always being the one who makes me study, go for classes, listen to my songs, and most importantly, listen to me rant on all the girls i like. its been a long and trying year but you've made it easier somehow. love you to bits.

shit. shit shit shit.

i feel helpless. i dont know what to do. to say. i have to at least like do my part as a friend, and forget the feelings/liking nonsense part. but it just doesnt seem right. like to just do something after being so distant for so long. even if its just doing what a friend should do, i just cant do it.

and how if i wanna do something. really bad. but its putting my future and studies in second place to my happiness. and thats just plain wrong. im jeopardizing my whole results, my whole year just for 3-4 days. but its what i want. and who's to criticise me.

:) i just decided i'll do it here. this paragraph is really for xueying.
xue, its been quite long since we talked but yeah. my grand dad passed away last year, so i know what its like. its still quite fresh really. my mum got a call around 10 one night from my grandma to go to my grandparents house. somehow, they knew my grand dad was about to pass away. my parents went and they asked me if i wanted to go but i didnt, cause i was online and i was busy chatting. dan was watching tv downstairs. got a call a few hours later saying he'd passed away.
i still feel like shit more than a year down. that i chose chatting with some insignificant people online over seeing my grandfather alive for the last time. but you know it's all part of life really and at least you weren't as insensitive as me. drop me a message if you ever need anything :) cheer up lil girl

and yeah, this is the song that got me through last year.

you're gone away
to another place
so far away
but i still see your face
i hear you speak
dont ask me how i am
still im hanging on
and i hope i'll stay strong
because you're gone
-now you're gone/michaelfredo

and for those who've heard me sing this song, you should know how it goes. wrote it for september 11, but i guess it rightfully belongs to my grand dad.

a year has gone by, and they say how time flies
it feels like yesterday, when you were taken away
and though the grief and the sorrow, will carry on tomorrow
i know you're in a better place
having eternal life in heaven

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

i knoe i already blogged for today but yeah, ive got more to say.

i guess its cos i was friendster browsing and i saw her friendster on 'my friends' and i couldnt help but notice the picture and so i clicked.

:)

she looked really happy. or rather, she looks really happy. and you knoe i cant help but feel happy too. i dont see her smiling that happily when shes around me. and thats when you knoe if youre right for a person. and honestly, i cant describe how im feeling in words. but its a happy feeling honestly. im just happy for her.

once again i cry myself to bed
cos of things i never did, words i never said
emotions never expressed, feelings never shown
these are the many reasons why im now alone
but as these tears fall my heart still shines for you
and as the sun is gold, and the sky is blue
my dreams paint a picture of the two of us
and till the minute i wake up, thats the moment it lasts
cause the truth is youre with someone else
the way your eyes twinkle, the way your hair smells
he the one who knows it all
it also helps he's dark, handsome and tall
and then i look at the mirror its easy to see
silly to even think you might have liked me
cause i drink and i smoke and i swear alot
and i think pretty soon my teeth will rot
theres so many things that u do not know
i sometimes wish i could be mark ruffalo
the only movie we ever got to watch together
gelato at lygon, i'll cherish forever
and the shirt that you bought me, i'll wear everyday
until it gets stinky, in the middle of may
and everytime i open my maths lecture notes
i see all those horrible formulas you wrote
and everytime you see a box of krispy kremes
know that when i brought you breakfast it realised my dream
i'll still buy you chocolates and sweets and all that
even thought you complained i was making you fat
i hate spring concert really, i shudder at that
cos i sang all three songs really horribly bad
and if youre wondering why i always insisted on walking you home
well truth is i just didnt want you to walk alone
and im sorry for being real cold on prom night
but i didnt wanna disturb the date by your side
and just like you didnt know about 'good good rock'
i dont think i know just when to stop
so i should shut up real soon, i wont go on
all this is making me more forlorn
i dont care what your friends think of me
i just know whats inside that they cant see
remember the night we both didnt wanna sleep
but there were lessons the next day we both couldnt skip
i'll do what we did that very night
a memory i'll always keep close to my side
we both took turns to count from one to ten
then close the window, thats where it all ends

as for when it all started, i think going back to my archives and reading june 23rd should give u the answer.





just finished drama practice and i can see theres a significant improvement. we're over the time limit though so we got to do something about that. but basically, i think we're almost there already. at amelia's house just chilling awhile before i go home and study la. maybe.

i dreamt of her again. its like 3 times in the last 1 week. its just weird really, its like i dont really dream of the same person so many times in a week. and last nite i dreamt we were actually together. so that was really sweet. but a dream's just a dream, doesnt mean much. cant be much anyway. screw it im better off without her. i just wonder what it'll be like when i see her nowadays. i still wanna talk to her, and buy her gelato, and pretend to understand maths when she teaches me. ohwells cant blame anyone but myself :)

i hope i get to say goodbye though.

Monday, November 01, 2004

was studying at swanston street but i finished all the questions up till poisson distribution so i thought i'd reward myself my coming home ealier and taking a break. will probably continue studying later. havent posted for the last few days cos lousy internet was down once again. cant wait to go home and use my wireless and then i can blog anywhere i go in the house. even in the garden haha.

prom was alrite really. i thought i would stop at the door and not go in, but i didnt. i thought i would leave halfway, but i didnt. it all went alright in the end i guess. maybe im still disappointed and stuff, but theres no use in getting all worked up over it really. in comparison to other people, my problems are peanuts. so i shouldnt really make a big fuss about it.
so everyone looked really awesome on prom nite it was more of a photo-taking frenzy rather than anything. food was alrite, the entree almost killed me cos it was risotto with VEGGIES. haha the main was damn nice, lamb on potato mash. and dessert was creme brulee which i liked but some of them complained was too sickening. yeah and then after that we went lin control to drink but we heard kevin tan got kicked out of khokolat bar so me, dwin, yonsen and yoonsing went to pick him up. got there realised he went back in so we decided to go in la. stayed there for an hour maybe, wasnt in a mood to club anyway so i left pretty early.

these days i dont have time to think about stuff so thats good. its mainly just school, study, come home, break, eat, play guitar, study and sleep. im actually studying and getting all those stupid math questions right but i dont know if i'll have enough time to get down to semester1 maths. or chemistry for that matter too. but its all good. doesnt matter if i dont get the grades eventually. im still pretty proud of the effort im putting in these few weeks.

saturdaynight/sundaymorning was pretty nice. studied with amelia till we almost went nuts. then these china men came to talk to us, followed by a aussie mate at cafe crema. it was a good break from studying cause they were really funny people, in different respects.

and then today, i was looking through my maths lecture notes. and i saw her handwriting. and i smiled. but i was kinda sad. cos its been a long time since she taught me maths. its been a long time since ive went out with her for that matter. and the saddest thing was, i honestly believe lygon food court was the last time she'll ever teach me maths again.

i see your face with every punch i take
and every bone i break
its all for you
and my worst pains are words i cannot say
still i will always fight on for you
-giftsandcurses/yellowcard

me

everyone calls me gab
and i'm a goofball of a guy!
i'm a part-time blogger,
and full-time songwriter

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