Monday, January 31, 2005

when i wake up here tomorrow
things will never be the same
cause i wont wait
cause you wont change
and you'll always be the same

so many songs can describe what im feeling right not. but i guess the one word that sums it all up is constipated. im emotionally constipated. theres a whole universe of emotions im experiencing right now, and they all culminate into something really unpleasant. and i cant like vomit it out. the only way its gonna come out is when i explode. not a very pleasant thought.

so thanks to nina for very encouraging words, and thanks to claire for being a pillar of support again. my super glue and elephant glue.

and really i got really beautiful memories of her. and us, if there ever was an 'us'. but why cant i have more? am i going to forever lose this just cause of one stupid mistake?

im walking away from all this. im gonna start afresh, like the gazillions times before. only every time i tried i failed.

dont wanna think about you.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

so here's a very personal song i just wrote like 15mins ago, but i just wanted to put it up here. cause i think the words might just give you an idea of how i'm feeling right now, and what the situation at the moment is.

hey mum, you've always been the first one
i turn to in my times of need
but do you know, you were always hard on me
even when i was a kid
yes mum, you were pretty harsh on me
when i didnt meet your expectations
those hurtful words you said
broke me down each and every occasion

so i'll take this time while you're asleep
to write a final farewell letter
and i hope that once im gone
your life will be much better
no more worrying bout what deeds im up to
whether im doing drinks or smokes
just for one last time i need to tell you
i very much love you folks

so im leaving home, i'll leave the door ajar
but i wanna thank you for bringing me thus far
its my own path now, its pages for me to fill
but i just wanna thank you still

hey dad, you know i never blamed you
for being the one who had to be tough
cause well, deep inside i know
it hurt you just as much
but yes dad, i gotta let you know
at times you went too far
those endless scoldings and beatings
always left behind a scar

so i'll take this time while you're both asleep
to write my final farewell letter
will i ever be back again
well im not one to say never
still i gotta say for my very sake
you cut me really deep
the memories, both good and bad
i'll take with me to keep

so i'm leaving home, i'll leave the door ajar
but i wanna thank you for bringing me thus far
it's my own path now, its pages for me to fill
but i just wanna thank you still

i think each and everyone of us is beautiful, and we should ignore what other people say bout us, cause most of them dont even knoe 1% of who we really are. and words alone cant let them understand what each of us have gone through. we all have a reason for the things we do, and if there was an academic explanation for each and every thing, then maybe there wouldnt be so much hurt in this world.
but it doesnt matter what others have to say. as long as we each know the good in ourselves, then well maybe, its doesnt matter that others are shallow and ignorant. cause really, the only person you have to be true to is yourself.
and im sorry if i havent been good enough for the both of you. and you as well. but i've done all i can, and if my best is only a C- in your report card, then well, im sorry im just not good enough for you. and you can either keep hoping and waiting for the day i miraculously transform into the boy of your dreams, or you can learn to accept me for the simple boy i am, the one i will always be.
and if you cant by now see the tears on my cheeks, well i'm glad im never gonna be good enough for you.

people who commit suicide are just wrong. God gave you your life, and it doesnt belong to you to extinguish it. but with each and every passing second, there's another reason to not live life.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

haha chuin, there's no need for a public apology. now i have to make a public "no need apology" message!

so today had wenhao's farewell lunch at holland v swensens with mich, shumin, jinn and of course wenhao! but went to AC first to wait for them so it was fun. and i got to see my EYECANDY haha and shes not who you guys think it is so go figure.

after that went town to meet nigey who was with laura, liping and jan. we walked around, then laura left, and then we walked around somemore haha. girls can walk so much when its shopping but it was damn fun with nigel la. hes my "plaything" haha. then yup we stoned at taka macs cos kelly came and had cheese fries but nigey was showing me his cool ipod. and he taught me how to operate it, i have to admit im damn swakoo, i almost spoilt his ipod trying to use it.

split a cab with liping and jan home, and then i basically stoned my night away, eating and laughing hysterically at the american idol auditions. leroy rocks so much. "can u dig that!" haha.

had an hour long conversation on the phone with nigey and ryan just. and this is one of the many damn funny things that were said.

nigey: wah ryan so handsome ah you wanna be like jay chou ah?
ryan: no la dont want jay chou TOO ugly man
nigey: wah not handsome enough for you ah? then you wanna be as handsome as who?
ryan: i wanna be as handsome as NIGEL BOEY

HAHA. i really really burst out laughing when he said that. and like its damn funny la, the both of them just love quarreling, i just listen to their banter and laugh away.

i wish you wouldnt ignore me this way
i wish that you'd look at me and say
someday things will be okay

i wish i could let go of you
but that would mean discarding a piece of me too
letting go of a love i feel so true

i wish something could make you see
without you there wouldnt be me
and thats just the way it has to be

for every part of me that wishes to let go of you
another part wants to hold on to you even more

all that i've got to pull me through
are memories of you

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

i just had to blog today cos todae was an EXTREMELY eventful day! well for starters, it was my FIRST DAY AT WORK. yup i finally got called down today, to relief teach! haha got a call at 7am which i didnt pick up, but upon realising it was school calling i immediately called back and i had to get down by 8am.

so first lesson of the day was to Amaths, and then Emaths, and then Amaths again. pretty cool got to see a few of the lil juniors, but haha they got the wrong person to teach maths. i mean they want me to teach Amaths but i myself dropped it at the end of sec3 haha.
yup so then i had recess followed by double PE, which was pretty fun cause i got a pretty fun class who had very helpful students. had to make them do conditioning and fitness first, which is, as well all know, a pain in the butt. so i got them to split into groups of 4 and compete in shuttle run. and the fastest group got to sit out the next round, while the slowest group had to do a forfeit haha. and they were pretty enthusiastic after that. claire calls it my "teacher instincts" haha :D so after that i let them play games, and they asked me what cca i used to be so i told them soccer, so the boys playing soccer asked me to join them. haha i think my team lost like 14-5 or something haha, but we were outnumbered by at least 5 people.
then after that, i had science(physics) with 3e1 but i had no instructions so i just made them keep quiet. but i swear they are one of the worst classes ever. they were totally uncooperative and well, lets just say they pretended i wasnt there :(
after that, i had double period of PW with 2b1, which was undoubtedly my FAVOURITE class. they were nice, and they listened to instructions, and once they were done with their work, of course i let them talk! and then i let them bend a few rules here and there, which im not about to disclose but you can ask me online.
and thus ends my first day at work, but there was this one kid who was really funny. he was like "wah sir how come your hair dont need to SLOP(slope)? mr chan say i must cut my hair must SLOP one you knoe!" haha you could tell hes a nice boy despite looking like a real badass. and i guess being an ex-student you can definitely relate to them.

so during one of my classes, my favourite junior of all time, russell kang, found me. so we went out for lunch. haha its like hes my disciple, like joseph is eric's disciple that kinda thing. haha and i have to say russ is turning out to become quite the little hearthrob/romeo. hes definitely surpassed me already in terms of relationships haha damn. so we had a pretty nice lunch and walked around, before he lead me to the treacherous long taxi queue at paragon haha but we had a nice chat while waiting for my taxi.

so yup was so exhausted from work i slept till 8plus. stoned awhile, went for a midnight movie with dan and weian. "elektra" wasnt that bad actually really, despite the bad reviews. yeah sure its not like modern stuff you can relate to like spiderman, but it wasnt say a really horrible show. it was enjoyable so yeah, 3 and a 1/2 stars! went for newton supper and beer, and im back now. and i better sleep soon just in case i have work again tomorrow, which im very very much looking forward to.

goodnight world!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

im starting to an existence filled with nothing. to put it simply, i do nothing everyday. at least wenhao has real madrid to manage, which can be quite a handful.
i do nothing everyday but wake up, eat, watch tv, do chores, pack my room, use the comp, watch tv and sleep. i feel even more useless than a servant.

yes i know. this is time to complete an assignment thats long been overdue. writing my first album. ok ok set. im going off to write songs now. hope my creative engines work tonight. wish me luck :)

1.dear song for a dear girl
2.things you never knew
3.january
4.-
5.-
6.-
7.-
8.-
9.-
10.my sense of humour

haha yes thats my track listing at the moment. well as i said its a work in progress. and progress will be made tonight! gabriel out :)

Monday, January 24, 2005

oh i forgot...

tell me what to say, because i need a chance to change
and i wont let you walk away

so tell me why, im swimming against the tide
and im waiting for a lifeline, cause im losing you
so tell me why, you dont care enough to try
are you giving up this fight, i cant stand
wont stand losing you

-losing you/busted



last two days were madly packed with activity. saturday started out with lunch with mrs tan and her kids, adam, mwong, eric and shumin at holland v coffee club. as usual, madam treated and i feel so bad she always treats us. went down to town and we played pool, each one of us at least getting one game before rushing down to lido to watch "my brother". despite its korean-ness, it was a super duper nice show. and we learnt a new word. SHEE-BAH! won bin is damn good-looking damn haha.
so then mwong went to work and eric and shumin had to go for church so adam and i went to makan and play pool. adam's friend emileen came and shes either my good luck charm or adam's jinx cause he was 2-0 up and then after she came i was 3-2 up. haha ended 4-3 in my favour pretty darn fun. went to lido to sit and chit chat, amidst adam getting very amazed at a remote control kite.
i swear adam is one of my favourite people to be out with. he just cracks me up like no one can. and its intentional so that proves adam is really a pretty freaking funny guy. we cabbed home and then mwong and owen came over and then eric. drinks and adam knocking out early and without a single drop, owen getting super duper high pretty much summed up our night.

sunday woke up at 2pm. had to go for dan's OCS comissioning parade. pretty grand affair, i was afraid it'd be pretty boring but it was pretty nice in the end. went with weian, hoon and hoon's girlfriend, ruth, as well as my parents of course. karen was also there to see her brother.
then we left after the parade, went to thomson to eat prata, indian rojak and meepok. haha ate until i was so full the food was spilling out of my ears. came home, played the electric for awhile, before cabbing to fetch karen and then going to the airport. had coffee with eric and his mum and mwong and then left around 12 cos it was pretty late. cabbed back home with karen. both taxi fares cost erm $24 and $30 haha! and karen subsidised me $20 total so i still paid $34 haha the taxi industry will go bust without me im telling you.

so eric's back to silly ol' sydney but he'll be back in 2 months and 3 weeks so really, thats not too bad for everyone back here. except me of course cause i wont be around then. and everytime eric goes off its like a pre-departure alarm for me, cause the moment eric goes off, i know i'll be next soon. and the knowledge of that sucks big time.
so i hope everything is fine for eric, and that he'll have a great school year ahead. he's not even in sydney yet and something already feels missing for me. its like im abit empty without him to hear my whining and bitching. ohwells its all part of life really.

since i didnt blog on sunday itself, here's a HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY to joan ah-tan!

and since im blogging on monday, HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY to hong yi!!!

ok im off now. God bless all of you, gabriel out!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

today was a great day. simple but great.

considering i slept at 330am, it wasnt bad that i managed to wake up at 630. had a morning chat with dan before we showered. yuwei came to pick us up, and along with kevin and weian, who also drove, we went to holland v crystal jade for breakfast. it was great to see yuwei again, since he recently was taken away by the army haha.
after that we went to acsi to play soccer, and our team was soon completed by yuda and michael. so soccer wass really good today. we really trashed the other team, and seriously im not like exaggerating, but we were like so much better cause we really played well today. yeah although it was just 7-a-side court soccer, but still. heh and im pretty happy with how i played today. scored i think 2 goals, made a fool of their defenders a million times, and made a fool of myself once or twice. not too bad.

then we drove down to town and had lunch at pasta fresca at lido. we were all starving so we kinda ordered a feast of dishes, and the bill eventually amounted to $210++. haha but yeah it was worth it cause the food was pretty darn good and well, we were really famished after soccer.

left the guys to meet chuin for coffee. well i didnt have coffee, but you know how its still called "having coffee" when you sit down and chill and catch up. yup okae nevermind. walked about taka for awhile after that cause she was looking for shoes. and yes i lost the popularity contest haha but i should have won by right.

walked to lido to meet the guys and yuwei gave me a lift back cause i was in quite a rush. went down to OAL after that to meet the representative from melbourne uni faculty of arts. shes a nice young lady and she had some really good news for me. haha yup so that was nice.

and now im feeling kinda bloated cos i skipped dinner earlier, and just had three corned beef sandwiches. haha and three corned beef sandwiches=6 slices of bread and a damn load of corned beef. and you know whats the best thing to do after eating? yup sleeping!

so once again, another mindless irrelevant post. nothing thoughtful said, nothing meaningful spoken. but thats okay. cause its another day full of memories safely preserved :)


heres another one by the ataris, my reply. i picked up these lines just for you.

i wish there was something i could say
to erase each and every page
you've been through
even though its not my place to save you

these arms remain stretched out to you
maybe someday you'll accept them
maybe its too late to save
a young girl's heart thats long stopped beating

if you'll just hold on for one more second

Friday, January 21, 2005

the ataris is really really very good. even if you're not mad about punk(like me), the lyrics should still have an impact on you. and almost of all their songs are really nice. they're not say like teen punk eg simple plan who like are still very "high-school". the ataris are much more mature. here's a bit of takeoffs and landings.

please dont let me, go falling from the sky
the fasten seatbelt sign just needs to go out
if only you could be, just right here by my side
home wouldnt seem so far from here

if only you could be, just right here by my side

Thursday, January 20, 2005

okae new layout hope you like it :)

today was a pretty normal day. had lunch with my mum and my grandma at northpoint, and then i had a medical checkup for the student visa. nothing much wrong with me thankfully haha and it was pretty fun. although i have to say my doctor was this real weirdo guy, he was like your typical by-the-book fella. i wrote the date wrongly as 2004(yes i knoe its a damn stupid mistake) so then he told me to change it so i changed the '4' into a '5'. and he went "write the 5 properly". haha wah he sounded like my primary school teacher i almost wanted to punch him.

so yup thats basically my day. came home and packed my room abit, and then watched american idol with the folks. haha i really liked the "brian mcknight" guy. good stuff really had a DAMN good time laughing at all their egos. they all need a BIG reality check. but haha that carrie girl is quite cute xP

ok dan's back from camp and hes asking me for prata and beer haha. what a combination, i like! gabriel out!



yay today was a very fun day. woke up late for my appointment in school but got there eventually, went to find eric and mwong at madam's office. then we went up to play table tennis haha i beat eric 11-9! although he was playing afool la but still something to be proud of! and then i lost to madam 5-11 or some horrible scoreline like that. then mwong and i went to play soccer with the sec4s, was damn fun. cant wait for friday and saturday!

after that we went to town, both of them bought crumplers. cool stuff. then we erm pooled. damn bad todae i just lost every game.

and then we mwong went off when we went to meet shumin and mich and then we went to eat thaiexpress at paragon. pretty nice and then we walked to plazasing cos shumin and eric were catching a movie but then they missed it so they took ages deciding what to watch. and then HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY:chocolate banana cake at secret recipes. i think its secret recipes i always get mixed up. yar but we shared so within 5 days ive had one and a half chocolate banana cakes yum! then eric and shumin went to watch show so mich and i walked all the way back to orchard mrt to take mrt home together. great another person on the same mrt line haha.
oh and mich i think they gay couple on amazing race3 were danny and oswald if im not wrong. i love them haha.

and then i slept after coming home and then had dinner around 10pm and hear i am now. chatting online but lotsa people have went off to sleep but its still good. every night when i chat with people online i just feel comfortable, knowing im not alone. like yar, even though sometimes i feel that way really strongly, but then someone comes along and messages you online and just makes you feel the the total opposite.

you knoe i heard this before. what if someone could tell you that the person you'll end up spending the rest of your life with, whether youve met the person or not. if you think about it, it doesnt seem that bad. i mean theres so many people i have already met, it could be anyone of them. and theres so many people i have not met, who could it be? but i dont knoe, if someone came up to me and told me they knew the answer, i honestly wouldnt wanna know.
can you imagine if you're like attached? and you discover the person youre gonna marry hasnt entered your life yet? that would render the existing relationship utterly meaningless?
and if say you find out you have already met that person. then its gonna make u wonder day and night which one of the people youve met it could be. and will it be a hindrance in you meeting new people? possibly cause we always meet new people with an open mind that they could be a start to a new relationship, but if you already know then what for make that effort when there isnt a chance that person might be the one?

haha i dont even knoe if im making sense really. but yar imagine if i havent met that person yet. that would mean ive been wrong all along. thinking that i like this girl and that girl so much and i wanna spend the rest of my life with them when im wrong. but imagine if ive met her already. then my options would be only limited to all the girls ive met. and that can be really sucky if in the future i meet someone new, and whom im interested in, but i know from the start that shes not the one.

you knoe what? i think im thinking way too far in. no one has the power to knoe the answer to that question.

on a much lighter note, i very much have a huge big gigantic crush on jessica alba. like how can anyone get so fine.

everyone has takeoffs and landings.

if you could go anywhere right now, where would you go
and would you miss me when you get there.

takeoffs and landings.

Monday, January 17, 2005

sorry if youve been coming for the past few nights and found nothing new to read. been busy the last few days so let's do a recap.

friday:
went out with mwong in the day. just had fun the whole day. irritated the hell outta him while we played pool till he didnt talk to me haha. then in the sudden decision we decided to get tattoos so yup! ask me if u wanna see mine haha. oh yup also ran into claire and the july people in far east having chicken rice yummers! and stupid davinder singh s/o someone!! haha he sabohed me and then ran off so i had to buy TWO charity tickets for the erm charity thing. and i get 10% off ARNOLD"S FRIED CHICKEN. like what the hell is arnold's fried chicken.
went fot the deakin pre-departure talk which was a bore. but at least my mum met one of her acquaintances whose daughter is going to deakin as well so that was alrite. at least i know someone whos going there. went back to town to find marc and owen and went over to billy bombers for dinner. xueying and joan joined us. and then the lovely xue and marc and i think owen too tried to be funny by putting ALOT of salt and pepper on my damn nice burger haha. but it was fun and after that we proceeded to nydc for dessert haha owen was on fire again. DOES THAT GUY NEED ANOTHER CHAIR? haha and then we recollected but orientation 2004 and who can forget the story bout keegan falling into the hole. haha we laughed like mad. so then owen came home and we had drinks haha apart from teaching owen how to down shots, i also tried to down beer. haha and we were so flat out i had to call a cab for him haha.

saturday:
awoke to my dad jumping on top of me asking meto wake up and accompany him to swee lee. we had an argument last time cos he said if i did well for my Os and got into jc he'd get me any guitar i wanted and he claims he never said that but ohwells anyway so he said he'll get me a guitar today. cause i very badly liked a 12-string guitar i saw in melbourne. so anyhow we went to swee lee and i fell in love with 3 guitars. the 12-strings they had there werent nice so i was considering buying a gibson electric guitar. and they were DAMN NICE! there was one which was assymetrically shaped with a mirror on the front which was the first one i tested. and the sound of it was the best of all. and it costs $3000. then i saw another one which is the one the yellowcard lead singer sometimes uses and alot of other people use. so i tried that one and the sound was slightly inferior but the look i liked it damn alot. and this one costs $3500! and than the one i liked the most. the flying v also by gibson which looked way cool. but supposedly the sound isnt that good. but it costs $5000! haha so well its really alot to be paying for a guitar but i'll see how. my mum seems quite keen on getting one for me cause well, a guitar's a pretty good pasttime to spend money on as opposed to, well i dont knoe, some other delinquent pursuits i guess. but i dont wanna use so much of my parents money considering im already spending alot studying overseas, and im already buying a new pair of soccer boots thats gonna cost $200. and dan's asking for a car which they're probably gonna get him. and ive also been talking bout a frank muller haha that one i knoe i will never get. but yeah and even though we're well off its not like we're rich. my dad's the only one working now fulltime so really, i gotta learn to spend less money and saving and cutting down whenever i can. which sadly, also means i gotta take less taxis!
so then i met azad in the afternoon for shopping and adam met us. won them both in pool a game each and then i had to leave for dinner with my parents, my brother and both my grandmas. had a damn good chinese dinner at ritz and then came home to watch soccer. wei an came over to see dan so it was good to see him again. and eric and mwong came over. thanks shumin for passing me the bracelet and thanks mich for getting it for me! so while eric went out for awhile i went to the park to drink by myself and marc came and joined me haha and it was damn good we were talking bout soccer and stuff. haha good stuff andthen eric came back, we went back o the house for more drinks. mwong was so tired he passed out but i really enjoyed a long good talk with eric. about friendships and the past and people calling themselves dumb jocks haha!

so today i just wasted 24hours away. woke up at 2pm, ate, played the guitar, spent time chatting with my bro, and then watch singapore beat indonesia. and now i wanna play football for singapore. haha it would be such an honour. i was thinking how i often ridicule singapore soccer but there's really no greater honour then pulling on a jersey with your country's falg on it. and seeing how the whole country was behind the players , and the honour the players brought a tiny country like singapore. haha im dreaming again, me out there wearing the number 17 jersey. hopefully i wont score an own goal or get sent off haha.

someones gonna do it. why not me.
someones gonna be the first singaporean to play in the premier league.
someones gonna be the first singaporean to have a number one hit in the US.
someones gonna discover a cure for aids.
someones gonna love her.
someones gonna marry her.
why not me?

i knoe i made a fool of you but even the best fall down sometimes
and when i write a song about you even the wrong words seem to rhyme
and sometimes i wonder but out of the doubts that fill my mind
in the end i always find you and i collide

Friday, January 14, 2005

so joanne recently put up a whole list of songs that remind her of last year, and all the memories. and yeah its pretty awesome, cause i can totally put up a list, each with a specific emotion and memory attached to it. and once again, thats the power of music. thats why i love music so much. cos it speaks greater volumes than people give it credit for.

and music is one thing u cant compromise on. it doesnt depend what most people are listening to at the moment. you only listen to what appeals to you. and im proud to say despite everyone being bonkers over nelly and jay-z and beyonce haha. if you got a problem with me listening to punk and alternative and emo then well thats too bad.

haha so maybe one day when i have the time i'll recollect all the songs of 2004. but for now, here's one thats full of memories. both sad and funny.


where are you, and im so sorry
i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight
i need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting everytime
and as i stared i counted
the webs from all the spiders
catching thigns and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear you voice of treason
would you come home and stop this pain tonight
and stop this pain tonight

dont waste your time on me youre already the voice inside my head
i miss you miss you
dont waste your time on me youre already the voice inside my head
i miss you miss you

Thursday, January 13, 2005

today was a stoned day at home i read "skipping christmas" by john grisham finish. well, its actually the movie christmas with kranks and i heard the movie sucked, but the book was really a pleasant read. good when you got nothing to do at home. i think im going kino to use my $50 voucher i got for christmas and spend it all on books cause reading is damn fun. ok i sound damn nerd.

and i love talking to people on msn. even though karen and keith both asked me whats up with my nick. idiots. but damn nice la. chitchatting is good for bored people who stay at home all day. so thanks to everyone who i just chatted with. much appreciated.

hope i do something constructive for the next few days, i cant stand staying at home anymore just stoning.

wont you give me another try, let's just go back to before.


recently ive been, hopelessly reaching
out for this girl, whos out of this world
believe me

shes got a boyfriend, he drives her round the bend
cause hes 23, hes in the marines
he'd kill me

for so many nights now, i find myself thinking about her oohhh

cause obviously, shes out of my league
but how can i win, she keeps dragging me in
and i know i, never will be good enough for her
no no, i never will be good enough for her

obviously-McFly

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

so last nite i was once again in a very self-pitying mood, which i must say isnt very good, because i despise people who pity themselves. and always go from person to person fishing for compliments to make themselves feel better about themselves. so if i shall do that again without good reason, you're entitled to punch me.

so today, went to meet lee ren and adel in town and adam joined us too. had lunch at crystal jade xiao long bao, before going for coffee at some outdoor cafe at wisma for drinks and also becos messrs lee and adel needed a smoke. terrible haha. adam and i are guai-kias! pool at mambo and the cursed TABLE 7. im never gonna play on that table again. first i thought lee ren won me but then his white ball travelled the entire length of the table and dropped into the opposite pocket from the one his black ball entered. but his got his revenge when i potted the black against adam, only to see the white ball do the same thing to me. in conclusion, adam's pool was damn good today.

cabbed down to the airport to send pa off cause he has a conference at india where he has to give some talk. i pray God will look after him cause really, india isnt a really safe place. and hes gonna have to sit a domestic internal flight where they dont have business class so he's gonna sit next to all the locals. and from what ive heard, it isnt that nice an experience. everyone says the first time you go to india is a cultural shock. but i wanna experience in someday. but not anytime soon.

so for the next few days im stuck alone with mum and mama. but it aint too bad, went east coast lagoon for dinner and the place rocks man. the food is heavenly, and now that its all done up it looks nice, like an indonesian village, not like the dirty hawker centre it once was. it was really lovely, i know where to go on dates soon heh heh.

so yup, today was really bliss. and before i forget-

FRIEND OF THE DAY: Michelle Goh Xiang Yi

haha its her first time winning the award, but she deserves the recognition. and she knoes why! haha :)

okie dokes im off to bed people. gotta wake up at 5am to walk the dogs cause thats the only time when other people wont be walking their dogs. and trust me, 2 adult german sheperds are darn hard to control when they wanna chase after a smaller dog. haha gabriel out!


the dawn is breaking, a light shining through
a light shining through, you're barely walking
and im tangled up in you, yeah

but im open, youre closed
where i follow, you'll go
i worry i wont see your face
light up again

even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the doubts that fill my mind
i somehow find, you and i collide

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

once again i realise 2004 is extinct.

and just what the hell are all these people talking about?

my 2004 is THE story of the year.

and no one's gonna take that away from me.

no tom.

no dick.

no harry.

no greece winning euro2004.

no bush winning the election again.

not even some tsunami tragedy.

as self centred as this sounds,
my messed up life is the story of the year.



i finally know why lee ren got addicted to ebay. i just went today for fun and gosh! its the most addictive thing i swear you can find almost a billion items you would want. and things you want really badly cause they're limited edition so the only way youre gonna get them is on ebay! as it is i wanna get the "beat bullying" bracelet thats only available in the uk which is this colour. and also the "livestrong " bracelet by lance armstrong in this colour. also i saw a pair of nike boots, the model that i want, in this colour!!! and everybody knows orange is my favourite colour. and all these items are damn rare you cant get them anywhere around here. damn! also i wanted a man utd jersey signed by cristiano ronaldo or alan smith. haha and where do i get the money from? this is noooo good!

but anyway today was a good day. cause i went to queensway so i roughly know which pair of soccer boots i'll be getting. and the prices at queensway are REALLY reasonable. so its either a pair of mist-blue nike mercurial vapours for $195, or the white and blue adidas predator pulse for $235. im in favour of the nikes cause they're cheaper, and they suit my game better. but ive been using predators for 5 years now and i feel unloyal to adidas. but i heard really bad stuff bout the new boot so i'll probably ask dan for advice.

so today was fun, seoul garden lunch. adam ate damn little lar, but azad and i competed to be sole survivor. haha charsiew chicken all the way. and then we played pool, haha beat azad 1-0 and adam 2-0, but i kinda cheated cause i was psyching adam out.

i wanna relive my life one year ago again. one year ago this time. if only i could turn back time. if only i could say what i still hide.

anyway, photos are finally up after a long time waiting i know. enjoy :)

loving her is romantic, its bliss, its quaint.
loving her is so beautiful its poetic.
its shakespeare in love.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

looks like im probably headed to deakin university. burwood ulu suburb, here i come!

had my cousin's wedding dinner today. pretty nice, the first from our generation in the family to get married, but looks like it will be the first of many, with most of us all grown up now. i've still a loooong way to go though, and my dad says dont be stupid and get married. haha i wonder if i should heed his advice.

but wah, the wedding was damn sweet la. and im damn gay, im a sucker for romance. it was really really nice, and i kinda could imagine myself up there one fine day. shit man they put the groom through alot of stick and crap, i better plan my wedding with NICE people.

church at 8am tomorrow. looking forward to it! :)

something isnt right
i can feel it again, feel it again
this isnt the first time
that youve left me waiting
sad excuses and false hopes high
i saw this coming, still i dont know why
i let you in

i knew it all along
youre so predictable
i knew something would go wrong, somethings always wrong
so you dont have to call
or say anything at all
youre so predictbale, so predictable

Saturday, January 08, 2005

i know, im the loneliest person i know



i dont like the fact that my mood can be affected by one person, and one person alone.

thursday was alright. went for dan's army certificate presentation ceremony, then after that we went newton to meet yuwei and nala for supper, last time before yuwei goes off to army and nala flies back to the states. ate damn alot man, stingray, oyster omelette, rotijohn, lots more plus 4 bottles of beer. newton is haven for my stomach.

today wasnt too bad. went town with mum and met adam. had yakun kaya butter toast set meal, and then ate twister fries from macs. i swear they bought the recipe from A&W. and i think i eat too much for my own good. met up with azad and his OG who i must say were very nice and friendly people. went to monstercue at meridien to play pool. haha best game was when theresa and me beat adam and jolene. adam who has never played pool in his life before.

eventually we made our way down to ac for campfire which was pretty boring, but the company was good. managed to even have a kickaround with terence haha. and it was really pretty fun la.

except that i should have waited a wee while more. ohwells im off to go read my book now. read it in 2003 but im reading it again.

the 5 people you meet in heaven. i wonder if you'll be one of the 5 i meet.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

yesterday was so fun but tiring. haha clement and i are the WORST crashers ever. well first, we thought we might hide in the sports complex, but then there was this stupid teacher, so we had to follow the flow of students. then he said lets hide in the downstairs toilet, so we walked and then halfway i was like "clement! theres a teacher behind us!!" so we went upstairs. and then we went to the toilet where there was a mop across the doorway. so we just climbed over it and went into a cubicle. and then we heard a voice saying "OI BU NEN JING QU!!" so we had to run out and go into the auditorium. and there was no space at the back so we walked to the front and ended up at the THIRD ROW! and when assembly ended and the j2 were asked to leave, i was like im not gonna sit here anymore so i told clement just get up and walk. but clement was in acsi uniform and then we heard a "excuse me are you a j1?" haha but we just looked straight ahead and walked! so thats how we escaped in the end.

oh and by the way, azad's announcement was freaking funnay. "ello fellow acsians"

so jusy basically stoned the day away, chatting with friends and watching the j1s get tekan-ed. mwong and owen were damn enthusiastic haha they were taking part in all the games! haha. and it was nice seeing the juniors in ac, like tyron and amos. haha and amos is in soccer!

so i got bored eventually, left with nigey, moses and danielchia to the mrt station to make nigey's ezlink card which took eternity we gave up. so nigey, moses and i went to town to eat at lido. it was like some huge gathering spot haha soon like everyone was there. kenneth, esther, liping, jan, jason, liwen, mah and marklim. marklim's hair tying is damn damn good haha.

left moses, nigey and kenneth after he got his hair dye and went to find eric, who was with mwong, adam, kyle, joseph, mrstan and her son. i think all of us are more childish than mrs tan son. and he's in primary school! walked walked awhile, cabbed home, had dinner, and knocked out around 8 plus. haha i havent slept so early for a long long time.

woke up today to have breakfast with nala, yuwei and weian, whos flying off to melbourne tonight for his sister's wedding. cool stuff man. and now im back home. dont think i can go out much this week cause we just sent our maid back(she was quite horrible) so my grandma's the only one at home so its not quite safe and she might get lonely so yup. tough luck cos this week is orientation week but ohwells, not that i mind or anything.

i knoe that you are something special
to you id always be faithful
i want to be what you always needed
then i hope you'll see the heart in me

you might need time to think it over
but im just fine moving forward
i'll ease your mind, if you give me the chance
i will never make you cry, come on lets try

i dont want another pretty face
i dont want just anyone to hold
i dont want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul
youre the one i want to chase
youre the one i want to hold
i wont let another minute go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul

i dare you to move like ,a year ago today, never happened

Monday, January 03, 2005

wowwowwee! i just woke up to a damn sweet dream. haha its all good. so waking up at 11 isnt that bad considering i went to sleep at 5. so nothing planned for todae, but i should make use of this first week to get a few things done, like finally applying to moe for my job, and maybe get a haircut.

anyway this is sudden but, here's a recap of 2004!

january: crashed AC orientation with azad's OG cause i knew chua, who was OGL. had fun with azad, adam and keith and made very good new friends namely celene, puifun, bjorn, joan, iantatt etc. a few of the people often came over for mahjong sessions and jamming, pretty much almost every other weekend. haha fun times really. met owen i think on the 7th of january, haha the start of one of my most stable friendships right now. end of january saw eric leave for sydney, and on the cab back from the airport it left me thinking of many things, of how my departure was approaching.

february: february was really only remembered for me leaving. i remember the days running up to my departure, getting a million and one last minute things done. i remember crying almost every night, not wanting to leave. 12th february eventually came, lotsa people came down and i thank everyone of them for seeing me off. those who didnt make it(haha thanks to owen who wanted to take the mrt) thanks for the calls and thanks to all who smsed too. arrived in melbourne with a heavy heart, still thinking of stuff back home, and well, not in the best state of minds to make friends. end of february saw freddy coming to melbourne on holiday and well, he kinda saved me from loneliness. fred and i went for gelato and he introduced me to 2 of his friends, lee ren and yonsen. HAHA and everyone in melbourne knoes how much this two mean to me. so if you have always wanted to know, this is how i met lee! haha.

march: will always be remembered for the start of classes at trinity after orientation. ck will NEVER keep quiet about the first day of HOI when i followed serena into the wrong class and duly went about doing all the formalities and icebreakers with the class, introducing myself to ck and only after half an hour when attendance was taken, realised my name wasnt in the register. oddly enough, the guy who's place i had accidentally taken had coincidentally went to my class my mistake. haha edward(inside joke:ck). played soccer religiously and made great friends with the soccer gang, specifically with dwin and ck, but of cos, the rest were just lovely ie. ran, jaya&mulia, velix, aaron, vicky, farrell etc. march also saw friendships with adel, ame and lee blossoming. oh yes! haha i cant NOT mention kunimasa my best friend at the start of trinity. haha he drinks damn alot i remember first week of march, alan, kuni and me got drunk haha. and once we were drinking at lygon park and i was gone, kuni was meant to walk me home but he didnt! haha.

april:into april and somewhere along the way are all the crazy nights drinking at lygon park till we were pissed drunk. lygon park gang with ating, chip etc. breaking beer bottles, singing at the top of our voices. but april also saw mum and dad come for a short time, and then the exams came. and then as quickly the exams went, and dan and nala came on holiday and i spent almost everyday with them and wei an. april saw the first time i came home, and i finally got to cut my hair haha cos i wouldnt let the melbourne hairdressers do the job. amongst other things, april was good for catching up with friends over house parties. april was special cause of the walk in the park.
but before i knew it, i was gone.

may: was terrorised by the first hoi essay, amongst other academic pressures. tiberius gracchus was a bloody retard in my opinion. may saw mah come into the picture, and lee and i were going as strong as ever. i cant remember much from may, and as my archives have little records on may, this month is one thats rather empty.

june: owen hit a hard patch here. i remember calling him frequently, although the overseas rates hit hard. but it didnt bother me as much as it did my parents. owen's important to me. june also saw another visitor in the form of yuji. haha i wont forget yuji's last night here, when he, weian and me donated a fortune to the casino. haha june led to me making more frequent visits to the casino, which was definitely a vice. but it was really good quality time spent with weian.
june was the first time in a long while i had a breath of fresh air.

july: came home for the second time. parties, enjoyment but nothing really concrete. suprise on friendster made me really overjoyed but nothing much really. parents found out i smoked for the first time. i lied and said it was my first time. promised them i wouldnt do it again but i knew once i returned to melbourne, i'll do it again. and i duly returned to melbourne. had the best friendship i could have with lee, he always opened his apartment up to me whenever i got locked out and his generosity i will never forget, although he did have some queer practices haha. july had one of my best nights when ame and adel cooked dinner for me and ating. "why did the chicken cross the road" and singing on the balcony. dear stuff. july saw my personal life take a turn for the unknown. it was neither good nor bad, but it wasnt stagnant anymore. and so that was always abit of excitement.

august: started badly when i let my mind wander and i thought about the past. but it slowly got better. mixed feelings really, managed to eat gelato with the prettiest girl in trinity(haha) but mum and dad came over again and i had some pretty big fights with them. august was the first time imran heard me play the guitar, which was effectively the start of our band. we tinkered around with the idea of playing at spring concert. got really close to claire(and still am) during this period of time when she just came over for july intake. august was pretty much like every other month of 2004, an emotional rollercoaster.

september: saw me getting really close with the people who would eventually form a band with me-clement,imran and xan. three people i hold warmly in my heart. three of the most genuine people you'll ever find. september saw the first of the drama performances haha the day clement came up with "theres always another greenlight" and also the day lee was the sweetest when he couldnt watch my drama performance but smsed me "give it your all ashton". haha for ashton kutcher. september saw leeren's birthday celebration, which lead to sarah and nina cooking a birthday dinner for lee and mah and me, which led to finding of my two aunt agonys. haha those two are darlings, they're always there when im craving some attention or bitching time. haha love them both. september saw the best academic results cos they were mostly projects or essays and thanks to term3, my marks took a turn for the better. a slight turn.
and how can i not mention, my surprise birthday party?? haha owen chong the sneaky bastard who planned it but thanks to all who were part of organising it and once again thanks to all who turned up. best night of my life thus far i think.

october: had yet another suprise birthday party, on the actual day itself. lee was so obvious haha! i even managed to guess what they got me for my birthday a few days earlier haha. the prettiest girl in trinity also made my birthday a little more special with a surprise which i totally didnt see coming, even though she was erm 2 days late haha :P october was the start of term4 which was a short term and as such, everyone was busy studying. through this trying period, studying helped me form a particularly strong bond with yenteng, my hubby hee. and spring concert arrived haha. my worst performance ever but it was the fun that mattered really. credit to dwin's band who gave it their all and were just out there to have some fun. kudos really. lots of birthdays celebrated in october, and the night when farrell, ck and me went crazy in dwin's house after man u beat arsenal. haha nice memories. eric came over for a short vacation and it was really awesome. coffee at cafe crema, collateral, all that nonsense.

november: was the month that was memorable in more ways than one. marked my final month in melbourne, and all the final year exams. prom came quickly and left before all the hoo hah had ended. november was basically just a sad month with everyone knowing it will all end soon. everyone wanted to spend precious time left with dear ones but who could afford with the final years looming, at a place in uni at stake. this month saw another fabulous friendship in the shape of kevintan, who was my number one study partner, even though now we both cant go to melbourne uni haha. november was blessed with visits from people back home. first chuin, then cel. it was a good reprieve from all that studying. november was bittersweet really. spent every minute i could spare with the people that mattered, from calling lee out for breakfast at 6am in the morning of a paper, to dropping by jo-annes room everytime i could, just to show them they matter. mum and dad visited once again, this time so they could bring my excess baggage home. before i knew it, it was all but over.

december: valedictory which i ponned. but made up for it when i went to the town hall when it finished, just to see some people who i wont see again for a long long time. got to take a few photos and say a few goodbyes. it was alrite really. finally got home on the 3rd. december was a month filled with little memories, plainly cos too much had happened in melbourne, that stuff here wasnt significant. yeah but i had a blessed christmas, and i managed to spend time with the ones that matter.

2004 was a blast. and i take every memory of it with me, forever a comfort and a place of solace when im sad.

all that i got to pull me through, are memories of you.



today was a lazy day. i didnt go church and i woke up at 5pm. and i did nothing but slack. ate dinner then watched ocean's eleven with the parents and my bro at home. followed by watching the final parts of singapore-myanmar. it was, as the commentator put, "a farce". one of the myannmar players take the refree's whistle and threw it on the floor and proceeded to kick mud at the referee. haha and if that wasnt funny enough, the reserve keeper who had no part to play in the game, threw a water bottle smack right on subramani's head, when the latter tried to stop a fight. haha it was really funny! it was sooooo much better than kungfu hustle.

so school starts tomorrow for most people, and i wish all of them a good first day at school. hope you get a great start to the school year. a good start to get the year off and running. gabriel out :)

i dare you to move, like today never happened

Saturday, January 01, 2005

so new years eve till new years day was pretty good. it wasnt as loud as planned, but quiet was good. and almost everyone that mattered to me was present. of course a few jokers like nigey missing. but all in all, almost everyone important to me came. except the most important one.

but there were my bro and his friends. and there was eric, adam, azad, joan, shumin, lennard, ryan, owen, owen'sfriend, kyle, marcwong and chentat. i think that was about it. and i cant think of anyone i would like to spend new year's eve more than with those people. drinking games which shumin and owen took turns at being horrible at, mahjong, chilling and stuff. i had a damn nice talk with chen tat while eric was walking shumin home and the rest disappeared to sleep. really nice stuff.

and today is the first day of 2005. a brand new year. barely even out of its packaging. they always say to make the most of everything when its new, cause when its old, theres a limited number of things u can do with it.

the year has just started. go out and make it yours.

i knoe im going to.

hello good morning how you do
what makes your rising sun so new
im learning to breathe, im learning to crawl
im finding that you and you alone can break my fall



happy new year. hello 2005. before i know it, you're already here, before im even ready for you. where's 2004? im not done with it yet. but thats life really. you dont miss something till its gone. 2004 is never ever gonna come back again. but it sure left lasting memories.

one year ago, on this date, i was probably still pissed at gurmit singh for kicking me out of ac before school even started and fully focussing then on going overseas, even though i didnt want to. thats roughly about 365 days ago. pretty long if you think about it. and here i am now, embarking on a whole new year, one which despite not seeming so, is full of promise and potential.

and i daresay this year has kinda been a metamorphosis for me, largely due to the fact that going overseas meant lots of freedom, but also a large need to be independant, something which i feel i failed miserably at. i was given a stab at being in control of my life, and i messed up big time. with the cigarettes and the playing and the lack of studying and putting in effort. but a metamorphosis is an overall change, and i daresay i came out of 2004 a better person in a number of ways.

this year was one helluva shitty year for my relationship with my folks, with them thinking im irresponsible, disappointing, and a delinquent. and through it all, they only feel that way cause they dont want me to be like that. and for that, i will be a better son this year, and i will finally live up to the expectations they have of me, cause simply, the only thing we owe our parents is to live up to what they expect of us.

and you never miss something until its gone. and my whole life just felt slightly emptier this year when dan first enlisted into army. he just wasnt there anymore whenever i needed him, and i missed him badly. needed that brotherly presence in my life. but still when he books out of camp, i dont exactly spend the most of time with him. and for dan, i hope to be as good a brother as you are to me.

this year was also a trying year in terms of friendships. due to the end of secondary school, i made a bloody lot of friends this year. and 95% of them can go fly a kite. and thats when you know the once you started off with from the start, will be the ones who see you through to the end. excluding owen, my three guardians adam, azad and eric have been infallible pillars of support this year. and i dont know how many times i would have broken down if not for them. to the three guys from my sec2 class, lets keep the long walk going.

but old friends aside, this year has definitely been a prosperous year for new friendships. of course the first person to mention would be owen. well, owen's actually been around the longest cause we were from the same kindergarten and primary school but that doesnt relaly count. but still, hes been a blessing really. and then there are the friends who ive known since ages ago, but only became stronger this year. to marcwong and chentat, my two "long-service award :P" blessings. its just the beginning but i c an foresee no end to the bond we share.

and then there's the rest who fall in between both catergories, but im thankful for nonetheless. the 3 musketeers who saw me through sec3 and 4. and i daresay we're pretty damn close. lennard, nigey and ryan. thanks a million really for always just being there. you three dont mean any less to me than anyone else, just know that.

and there are a few people i would like to say, havent really lived up to expectations. and you people can fuck off. some people are just too damn self centred, some are just too oblivious, and some just think they're too good. and you guys can honestly screw off.

to everyone whos a memory of my very short time at acjc when i crashed, those were the best memories of 2004. youre a swell bunch of people, and all of you belong to a very special portion kept in my heart. the memories will always last, long after the moment has passed.

to everyone whom ive gotten to know in melbourne, i couldnt have made it without the support. i had the most encouraging and supportive group of friends in a place i never knew i would enjoy. i cant name all but i'll give it a try. claire, lee, adel, ame, ck, nina, sarah, jo, jenn, yenteng, sam, justin, jo-anne, imran, clement, xan, rowena, adriel, kevintan, yoonsing, andrew, yons, dwin, randy, robin, kueh, well theres alot more really, im sorry if i forgot you. specific thanks to hongyi :) for helping me see alot of things i never realised before, for teaching me lots of things i never knew existed before. for believing in me, and for forgiving me. we've gotten over our rough patch and i just wanted to simply say, thanks for being the real blessing.

i dont have much girl friends but to those of the fairer sex that i can count on as a friend, thanks for everything really. for accepting me for who i am and not what i am. i really appreciate it.

and im looking at the two photos i have on my bedside table. and those who know me really well will know which two photos they are. and really, 2004 has been an absolute rollercoaster ride. up, down, up, down. but people do actually enjoy rollercoaster rides dont they? and so, i can safely conclude that 2004 was officially the best year of my life thus far.

but no use lamenting on the past, its the present that matters, and looking forward to 2005, there definitely are a number of changes i'd like to see.
1)i did this jus now really, but to reinforce it, i swore to God no more cigarettes anymore in 2005.
2)i would seriously like to see people putting in an effort to maintain friendships. you can only blame yourself for a friendship lost.
3)i need to be more tolerant of my friends, cause even if they get on my nerves sometimes, accepting them for everything they are is the whole point of friendship.
4)i would like to see a more disciplined and responsible me.
5)wheres the love? the world needs to stop hating.

i take on final look at my bedside table before i fully embark on 2005. 2004 was full of blissful memories, none so as blissful as those of you and me. im sorry that 2004 was a year of many distractions. i wandered and i faltered, and it seemed as though i had others on my mind. but 2004 was plainly so damn good, cause it was the year i met you. and the whole year was honestly centred around you. as i take it all back, i sometimes wish i had done it quite differently. but theres nothing we can do about it, but be mature enough to accept our actions as already done. and i know i may seem insincere most of the time. but believe me, there is no one else quite as perfect as you. and i would like to tell everyone who has issues against my intentions, who think im stirring up trouble, who basically are unhappy about what im doing. fuck off. and yes maybe 2005 is the year i cut down on my vulgarities. but maybe 2005 is also the year i cut these doubters out of my life. 2004 will always be remembered, because of you.

and i got on resolution for 2005. just one.

i wanna always remember that i belong to Jesus.

me

everyone calls me gab
and i'm a goofball of a guy!
i'm a part-time blogger,
and full-time songwriter

i ♥

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scrapbook entries

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